Why “brewing,” and not the implied “spontaneity” of a blog post?  Because the description above uses perfectly refined, planned, and politically neutral language that doesn’t really convey two episodes of what I believe to be unconscious bias on the part of two of the three lone white people in the room of otherwise 30+ African-Americans during the session. 

The first one was me (ouch!), one of three Caucasians and the “subject matter expert” leading the presentation.  Not sure who/how many caught what I would call my “gaffe” but here’s what happened.  I dove into the strategies and activities, without giving an overview of what we mean by Diversity and Inclusion in the Workplace.  As more general questions started right away, I realized immediately my unconscious assumption:  That because the audience was African American, OF COURSE everyone would know about Diversity and Inclusion in the workplace.  But, indeed, that field is just like any other area of expertise, you study it, there are best practices, there are academic studies….

Luckily, I had learned my lesson from the last time I had made fun of someone from another culture (now I’m being playful, even flirtatious, because I’m talking about my Brazilian-born husband in contrast to my Missouri-Jewishness) and had a batch of “Extra Slides” at the back of the file that had the “Business Case for Diversity and Inclusion” in place and ready to go.  There’s buried in here somewhere a 15 year overdue apology for making fun of my husband because when he was working on his MBA he occasionally would ask me to proof his presentations.  “But they’re 100 slides!” I’d protest. “No, it’s just the first 10,” he would say, “the rest are back-up.”  To which I would think, “Whatever.  No one in the United States does it that way.”

At any rate, thanks to following my lovely husband who didn’t know what he was doing, I was able to seamlessly (I’m pretty sure it was seamless to most) pull up the overview slides from another presentation I’ve given in the past,( presumably to white people—my commentary here) and give the overview with authority.

So then we went into my favorite part, Intercultural Communications.  It’s my favorite because I live and breathe it. I’m a marketer by profession, and specialize in communicating to people of different backgrounds.  Understanding the various communications styles, recognizing my own, and how all of these might be influenced by cultural and gender differences, is fascinating.

So here comes unconscious bias number two, from Philip* who was from one of the area’s larger Public Relations firms.  Philip was #2 Caucasian at the event, and his colleague Martha made the third and final (I think it’s important, just because I think my reactions to things were possibly influenced by being in the minority—which makes me hyper-conscious, curious if it’s typical when being in the minority to temper behavior, and of course curious about grave implications for that in the workplace, etc…)

Oh, we were talking about Philip.  So the conversation was about Communications Styles. “Direct,” which puts facts over people to divine truth and understanding, and “Indirect” which looks at feelings and relationships first. 

When I asked the group if Direct or Indirect was more prevalent in the workplace, all said “Indirect.” Which, as a Direct communicator I thought “are you kidding?  US Business norms are all about results and action, normed around a male, Western European communication style.  But, again, this is not about me….

So what I said was that it’s interesting to see how communications styles do seem to trend around culture and gender, so for example studies show that 50% to 80% of Hispanics tend to favor an Indirect communication style, or 50% to 80% of white men tend to favor Direct.

And that’s when Philip, in HR asked his question.   “But if it’s only 50% to 80% then really it’s not a statistic at all.  I tend to evaluate each person individually and build relationships with people one at a time.”

My gut thought was “like being colorblind.”  And the immediate reactive thought to that was (okay, that’s the problem, I knew something was wrong at the time, but it took me a good week to really think it through) the problem with the colorblind approach is that it is often the privilege of the majority culture to be color blind.  Because the structures of society, and certainly the USAmerican workplace, are normed around the majority culture.  So what I could have said was “That’s actually belies your white privilege, Philip, because as part of the majority culture you are not constantly reminded of your race or culture.”

But what I said was that while the trends shouldn’t supplant what’s in front of you, nor should groups be stereotyped by their dominant communication style, that it’s helpful as a framework to better understand one’s own style and to make sure that the reward bands—which people in the organization’s ideas and contributions are valued, are not being influenced by communication styles. 

Or, as Marti Barletta, accomplished expert in marketing to women, told me when I asked her the same question a few years ago, “you have to start somewhere, and because the commonalities to play out over a certain portion of the population, it gives you a starting place from which to operate.”

Luckily, Steve,* an HR Director at a major Chicago corporation (and African-American) then chimed in to say how effective it had been at his company when they did take into consideration the cultural implications of communication, and we moved on.

So, my 10 minutes is up (it morphed into 25…yikes!) and really this could have been summarized in three sentences:

1.  People of color are not inherently magnanimous experts on diversity, inclusion and pure, unbiased opinion.  In fact, thinking such continues to be an unconscious bias by either a.) Looking for approval from the other, or still operating from a framework of “white/majority” and everything else.
2. Claiming to be “colorblind” is a tenet of white/majority privilege, and is really only possible for someone from a majority culture.  And, seeing color or difference is natural, and does not equate to prejudice or racism.
3. If you are the invited speaker at a Professional Learning event, it’s okay to “stay on topic.” In other words, my handling of both situations, without publicly announcing the underlying bias, was okay, because the topic was diversity and inclusion in the workplace, not the underpinnings of racial inequity in society.

On that last one, though, while it may make me a great, consummate professional, it might not catapult me to ideological fame.  I’m reminded of seeing Gloria Steinem speak at an event in Chicago a number of years ago.  She espoused these amazing, controversial opinions, and had no qualms about calling it out like it was.  “She’s fabulous,” I remember thinking.  “I wish I could be in a position to say whatever I thought and have people listen.”

But that goes one further, to the idea that “when your mouth is open, your ears are closed.”  So maybe I’m not too far off.

What are the interactions that make you uncomfortable, that have you still thinking about them three weeks later?  Those are the ones to follow…

* Names changed

Your 7 year old child who is white hesitates to shake someone’s hand who is African-American.   Your first grader tells another student she’s “a lesbian with her sister.”  You were there.  You weren’t there.  You are the most open, anti-racist, multicultural person you know.  Where did your child get this from?

I’ve seen stories about these moments (remember the children’s summer camp that was asked to leave the Country Club pool last summer).  These articles rightly so express the pain of the child/parent, who is black, and astonishment, denial and/or defensiveness of the offender or offender’s parents who are white. 

But what seems missing is the doorway to learning that this opens for the white child.  Without discussion, what the white child may glean is A) they’ve talked about race, B.) all the adults have freaked out, and, C) by the transitive theory in math, where if A=B and B=C then A=C…then talking about race freaks people out so don’t ever do it again.

And that, my friend, is the perfect formula for passing unconscious bias, prejudice, and funky racial dynamics onto the next generation.

Just as we would help our children learn to read, write, add and subtract, we need to teach them intercultural competence.  It’s generally not taught in school, and it’s something we might want to frame in the home anyway, right up there with morals and beliefs.

So we have to talk, even when it’s hard.

In the hand shaking incident referenced above, it was MY reaction that was wrong…the more Dillon refused to shake hands the more anxious and insistent I got.  I got nervous thinking “he’s going to think Dillon’s resisting because he’s black.”  He didn’t, but I think our mutual friend who introduced us did.   

The better answer (now with the luxury of months to think about it) might have been “Sorry, he has a touchy germ issue—it goes over really well when he shouts ‘No!’ at the sweet Jewish ladies who try to hand him cookies at synagogue on Saturdays!”  In fact at the time he wouldn’t even eat sandwiches if I had touched them. 

On the lesbian name calling (yes, that was my son, too).  It was more practical…and brief–we haven’t even explained heterosexual relationships yet, let alone homosexual ones–  1.)  You generally don’t have a relationship with someone in your own family whether you like boys or girls (a la the Sister reference); and some people are lesbians, and that’s okay, it’s just a natural way of being, so you wouldn’t want to use that as though it was an insult, because there’s nothing wrong with that, it’s just different.

Most of these discussions are hard because they have to do more with our own “hang-ups.”  I’m hyper-aware of racial inequities, privilege and unconscious bias, but as an adult tend to lean toward “politically correct,” gender/race neutral language (aka euphemisms)—which doesn’t work with children who need simple, specific, actionable language.

All I know is when his class discussed war and the military in Social Studies and the topic of homosexuals in the military came up, Dillon said all of the other children giggled at the word homosexual.  He was the one who pointed out that the US policy was discriminatory.  You go, Dillon!

Will I get it wrong?  Probably.  Will I have a chance to notice that and try again?  As long as I’m a mom.

What has your child said that mortified you?  What did you do?

Photo credit:  Stuff White People Do

I was struck by author Malcolm Gladwell’s desicription of “Rapid Cognition” in the book blink, and how he used the example of the car salesman to show how ignoring sub-conscious ‘knee-jerk’ reactions to people can negatively impact the bottom line.  (e.g. assuming someone won’t be buying  a car strictly from their appearance/first impression.)

 When we (social justice?  race studies?) talk about recognizing unconscious bias, I’ve heard some say “that’s interesting for those people who need it.” 

I’ve also hosted workshops where we look at the identity of people in our circles–our dentist, doctor, hair stylist, mailman.  When some have noticed that most in their cirlce  are caucasian, participants have said, “but that’s who is near me” or “I don’t choose my mailman.” 

Gladwell makes a good point as to how purposely enriching our circle of contacts can expand our implicit associations with people of different race and ethnicitiy, and ultimately change our unconscious bias. 

Gladwell sites an example of someone who took the Project Implicit test daily, hoping to simply ‘better their score’ on the black/bad white/good unconscious association.  It doesn’t work.  But what does work is creating new associations to create new unconscious associations.

Here’s what he has to say:

“Our first impressions are generated by our experiences and our environment, which means that we can change our first impressions–we can alter the way we thin-slice–by changing the experiences that comprise those impressions.  If you are a white person who would like to treat black people as equals in every way – who would like to have a set of associations with blacks that are as positive as those that you have with whites – it requires more than a simple commitment ot equality.  I t requires that you change your life so that you are exposed to minorities on a regular basis and become comfortable with them and familiar with the best of their culture, so that when you want to meet, hire, date, or talk with a member of a minority, you aren’t betrayed by your hesitation and discomfort.  Taking rapid cognition seriously – acknowledging the incredible power, for good and ill, that first imressions play in our lives – requires that we take active steps to manage and control those impressions.

 

Who’s in your circle?

Photo credit:  bookofjoe

Hey you racist, why did you mention only Serena Williams race in last week’s post about the Mother Nature/Tampax ad?

Luckily that comment didn’t come in, but as I was riding the train (or the “L” as we call it in Chicago) downtown yesterday, I realized I did mention Serena’s race, but not “Mother Nature’s”.  Why?

As for Serena, the point was that supposed to be that while she happened to be African-American, it was her star power that shined.  Her celebrity drove her selection for the ad, over racial identity.

But for Mother Nature, who is white, there is a hint (or a clobber on the head) of unconscious bias.  Isn’t it just understood that Mother Nature is white, just like Jesus, and Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy?

Save the extreme racial ignorance that accompanied Harry Reid’s recently revealed words during the 2008 election campaign, there is a parallel here:   the underlying assumption/bias that White is the norm.  In Reid’s case, he then gauges Obama’s appeal against that norm.

The white majority has the option of not perceiving themselves in a racial manner.  But only in embracing one’s identity as white, as distinct from other possible identities can you remove yourself from the center of the circle and look out as one of many identities on equal par, with equal value to offer.

How do you describe your racial identity? 

Photo credits, Jesus by mike52ad, Santa Claus by Hollywood Roadster, Tooth Fairy at Buy Costumes

 When Marc and I first met, I didn’t know what to think.  We were in the “Green Room,” aka the Counselor’s office at Robeson High School in Chicago, getting ready to visit classrooms as motivational speakers, as part of the Black Star Project.

 “I tell them about careers in marketing, and to believe in themselves and follow their passion to succeed in life,” I told Marc.

 “I tell them not to have babies while they’re still in high school,” said Marc.

 “Um…oh,” I responded.  “Can you say that to the students?” I wondered.

The school is located on the South Side of Chicago, and the student body is 100% African American.  The first Chicago Public School student killed by gunfire in 2009, just a few weeks after this school visit, was a student at Robeson.

Plus, with more than 10% of African-American girls getting pregnant before finishing high school, and only 7% of incoming freshman at Chicago Public Schools earning a college degree by age 25, whose advice is more ‘real?’

“I’m here to tell you not to be like me,” he tells the students.

 I came across Marc’s video the other day and realized how much I liked him.  Plus, I now realize he’s a really good intercultural communicator:

1. He’s clear about who he is, and uses that as a platform to communicate with others.
2. He asks questions to understand what motivates others (as he did to help guide my presentation to the students and bring out key points that would interest them.)
3. He’s a good teacher without being judgmental or making the learner feel embarrassed

 But why do I really like Marc?  Two dimensionally we are very different:  Black, male, high school drop-out from the ‘south side’ vs. White, female, Masters degreed from the ‘north side.’ But guess who taught who here.

 It was Marc’s confidence and clarity that made me realize that framing our differences two-dimensionally was, well…two-dimensional.  His message also has me questioning my own unconscious bias and privilege, ultimately allowing me to grow.

What have you learned about yourself when interacting with others that you didn’t expect?

  Let me clarify two things upfront, before explaining my most recent revelation of unconscious bias:

• 1) Self-revelation of an unconscious bias is the best way to address it and overcome it. It’s like the old AA adage. You have to acknowledge there’s a problem first.
• 2) I was about to defend my use of the Yiddish word Shiksa, thinking it was non-pejorative, but in doing a quick search to confirm that I found out that, indeed, according to Princeton University’s “WordNet” it is “a derogatory term used by Jews to refer to non-Jewish women.” So, #2 is either a ‘never mind’ or an added lesson-beware of using words you have heard from another language if you don’t understand the full meaning/connotations of them. (Note that I don’t use it again, now that I know.)

Back to my revelation of my unconscious bias, since removed, against beautiful, tall skinny, women with long blonde hair. (Previously viewed as the opposite of short, weight challenged Jewish girls with frizzy, dark hair.)  It has happened twice in the past two weeks. 

The first was at a “Girls Night Out” wine tasting at a friend’s, where I ended up sitting next to my friend’s oldest friend who was…you guessed it, tall, skinny and blonde.  We got into a conversation about institutional inequities and unconscious bias (wonder who brought that up!) and it turns out she was raised by a single mom in a mostly African American neighborhood, and she was talking about how strange it was to go to family gatherings with her husband and his family, because of the lack of diversity and sense of entitlement that drove their orientation to life.  I’m sorry…what did you say?

The second was with a social worker at my son’s school.  Not only is she adorable, tall, skinny and blonde, but she has the cutest clothes you’ve ever seen.  “I bet she’s really sweet and won’t help my child,” I concluded at first glance.  Shame on you!  I found out in conversation that she’s an anthropologist, spent a year or more working in Zimbabwe, and applies this incredible depth and perspective to her work with children at the school.  So, now I want to be her best friend, but she probably won’t agree because I’m such an A-hole!

In relaying some of these conversations to my dad, he said “Did you say ‘You say such deep things for looking so shallow.” Well, it sounds kind of obvious when you put it that way.

I like to say that “practice makes perfect.”  And, in Intercultural Communications, the practice of empathic listening and speaking with “I” statements can drive interactions in ways that force you to confront unconscious bias.  And, while it’s uncomfortable at the moment of revelation, a new level of understanding, appreciation and opportunity follows.

Come on…don’t let me have all the fun.  Discover any unconscious biases of your own, lately?

Photo credit merwing

“You’re kind of a racist,” he said.  “You do that all the time,” he added, referring to my knack of typecasting by gender.  He’s only 8, so his exposure and use of ‘intercultural’ terms is budding.  

“In this case you probably mean more sexist,” I explained, “when it’s gender, like men vs women, as opposed to race, that’s the issue.  In fact, when I was growing up,” I said, with an image of Jane, Dolly and Lily in 9 to 5 clearly in mind, ”men who always thought men were superior and that women couldn’t do anything were called male chauvanists.” 

“You’re a female chauvanist,” he said.

“I don’t think there’s such a thing as a female chauvanist,” I answered, admittedly knowing the meaning of the whole phrase but not sure enough of the individual words to know if a simple gender switch would mean what he was trying to say.  “I guess a female chauvanist would be called an…I don’t know,” I said out loud.

“I guess a female chauvanist would be called a…lesbian” my mind spontaneously filled in.

“Are you kidding me?” I thought, aghast and shocked.  That is like every awful stereotype of strong, professional women that exists, and yet that’s what was floating just below the surface.  But I’m a feminist!  How has my own unconscious bias (and parallel to internalized racism, where one believes what the “other group” says about them) held me back?  Has my unconscious belief led me to defer too often to the male leader in the room, or backed down when presenting ideas in gender mixed audiences?

 Moments of transformational self-realization can happen anywhere, anytime, but sometimes it takes practice.  Here are three tips for getting in ‘intercultural’ shape:

1.  Listen to the spontaneous words that come to mind when you look at different people.  If they’re not what you expected, rather than fear and squash them, try to figure out where they came from.

2.  Stick with discomfort, and the moment you start to feel defensive about your beliefs surrounding race or difference, take it as a clue to stop and listen more carefully to what is going on.

3.  Create opportunities to be ‘the other,’ and learn from the self-consciousness that may come from being different from everyone else in the room.

Have you made any shocking discoveries lately?  What did you learn from them?

The projet’s founder is john powell (this is like the blog version of MTv pop-up videos, with little sidebars–I don’t know john powell, but indeed you can just find a copy of his CV on-line, which is like 20 pages long–he is brilliant) executive director of the Kirwan Institute for the Study of Race and Ethnicity at The Ohio State University (how/why do organizations make the decision to capitalize “The” and include it as a formal part of their name–does it make a strategic difference?).

Not sure if you have unconscious bias?  For one week, at every meeting and gathering you go to, notice how people self-select when forming groups.  Do people self-segregrate by race or culture?  Age?  Who do you choose to sit with if you enter a big meeting room, and don’t know anyone?  Do they look like you?