I read with a bit of sadness this week that Oxford University Press, the publisher of the Oxford English Dictionary, said

“so many people prefer to look up words using its online product that it’s uncertain whether the 126-year-old dictionary’s next edition will be printed on paper at all.”

I learned early on to replace “that’s not a word in English,” with the softer, “that’s not a commonly used word in English.”  After all, what did I know?  I had only been born and raised speaking English.  My husband, on the other hand, a native Portuguese speaker just learning English, had read the entire dictionary.

I, too, in preparing for a recent trip to Paris had pulled out my old College French Dictionary for a casual read.

There’s something so exciting and satisfying about discovering or rediscovering the perfect word in English or in another language, allowing you to convey bold meaning or subtle innuendo.

Certain words I crave for in English don’t exist:  batepapo (Portuguese for after-dinner-small-talk), and we really need the word “durate” which doesn’t exist in English (in Spanish and Portuguese it’s ‘durar.”)  It’s even better than to “last,” to “take” or to “run,” as in the movie will run 3 hours, as the emphasis is not on the time passed but the length or substance of the activity filling the time.

I know, I know.  Everyone, me included, runs on-line to look stuff up all the time.  But that’s more of an “I need to know right now” mentality, not “this is knowledge for life.”  I don’t need to remember what I learn on-line or synthesize it into my vernacular because it will always be there when I need it.

And what about the dictionary as a tool for learning English as a Second Language.   With the on-line dictionary, you need to know the word you want to look up, spelling and all, and it will give you a definition.

For someone learning another language, it’s about discovery and NOT knowing exactly what you are looking for.  It’s about browsing at your leisure, exploring words like an archeologist or an anthropologist and uncovering the great secrets of a culture.

photo credit Westchester Library System

p.s. If you are a mature business person or my parents, do not read any further.  Otherwise…

USAmerican College Drinking Game “Dictionary”

I couldn’t leave a post about the joys of the dictionary without a quick review of the USAmerican College Drinking Game “Dictionary.”  (As in anything in college can be turned into a drinking game and all we have is a dictionary and beer, so now what do we do?)  A great educational game that is perfect for 3 or more players…It’s how I learned and still remember the definition of “futhark,” the runic alphabet.

1.  Decide who goes first.  We’ll say Lee.

2.  Lee opens the dictionary and finds an obscure word that he assumes no one in the group knows.  For example, “fyke.”  Ask to confirm that the word is new to all—if someone knows the word, just pick another.

3.  Lee writes the real definition on an index card or slip of paper.  Each of the other players writes an imagined definition for the word on an index card or slip of paper.  Everyone hands their definition to the person whose turn it is.

4.  Lee mixes up the slips of paper and reads them all out loud (“Fyke” A long, bag-shaped net held open by hoops, used for catching fish.  Or “Fyke” to fake liking someone.)

5.  Each player guesses which is the real definition.

6.  If you are wrong, you drink.  If you are right, you get to point to someone else in the circle to drink.

7.  Laughter ensues.

8.  Lee passes the dictionary clockwise, and play begins again with a new word.

(You can also just play for points-no drinking- by awarding points for guessing the right definition, losing points for guessing a wrong definition, or bonus points for writing the most creative definition)

You’re at a black tie event.  You’re looking for the restroom.  Who do you ask?

“Me,” joked our new friend who spontaneously joined us at our table at a recent black-tie-event, jovially laughing at the third time in the last 10 minutes he’d been asked for directions.  “It’s hard to be a black man in a tuxedo at a formal event—everyone assumes I work here!”

Which is absolutely ridiculous, when you look around and realize that ALL THE MEN at the event are wearing tuxedos.

Our friend made light of the situation, playfully making fun, but it does belie unconscious bias/prejudice that may accompany first, immediate reactions to others.

So how do you combat your own biases?  How do you ‘humanize’ others around you?  Just for fun, listen to your gut, and then do or say the exact opposite.  Such as…

1.  At a very fine event, ask the older who’s dressed the best where to find the bathroom (or step out of your comfort zone…ask the person who’s least like you.)

2.  At restaurants, events, etc., ask your server’s name—he/she too is a person, and actually has a big influence on your enjoyment of your evening.

3. If you meet someone from Brazil (or fill in country name or neighborhood in City, etc.) don’t say “I would never go Rio, I’ve heard the crime is terrible.” (Yes, it has happened enough that it warrants mentioning.)

4.  When speaking with someone with an accent, listen for content.  “And treat them like a person, not an accent,” adds my husband, a native Portuguese speaker.  And never say “don’t you speak American?” (Yes, I’ve overheard that, too)

What other things have you seen others do (or fess up, what have you done?) that reveal an underlying bias?  What was the reaction?

Turns out he was right, less because of my perhaps disdain for polygamy (for me), but more because I was perpetuating a stereotype without actually knowing any Mormons.

And apparently I may not be the only one.  The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints has launched an advertising campaign in nine cities aimed at countering negative stereotypes of Mormons.

According to the Pennsylvania AP news (Pittsburgh is one of the test cities) “the ads feature upbeat music playing as a surfer, artist or skateboarder talks about his or her beliefs about life, followed by the tag line ‘And I’m a Mormon.’”

But ABCnews questions if the ads are a “Mormon” makeover or “misleading.” In response to the ad quoting a woman saying “a woman’s place is not in the kitchen,” self-identified progressive Mormon John Dehlin says indeed that according to Mormon gospel, it’s the man’s job to work, and the woman belongs in the home.  He ads that Mormon gospel is full of sexism and racism.

As with any group, it’s never wise to stereotype based on simplified, exaggerated characteristics.  Dehlin himself runs a series of podcasts at mormonstories.org where he interviews prominent Mormons about Mormon life, events and culture.

And, while there’s no denying that the Mormon Church was a key player in the passage of Proposition 8, the ban on gay marriage in California, several news outlets (npr, NYTimes, and Newsweek) also carried the views of Mormons who do support Gay Rights and Gay Marriage.

Is the campaign pure propaganda, a reminder to beware of unconscious bias and stereotyping, or just a ‘big business’ working on its branding?

At a bare minimum, perhaps I’ll stop, listen, and ask questions next time I meet someone who is Mormon, rather than say “oohhh…” and fill in the blanks.

What do you think?  What do you think prompted the campaign?  Do you think it can work?

Lack of diversity in Board Rooms really isn’t any cuter when it’s emulated by 5-year-olds, as seen in this ad by agency TBC for Haribo’s Gold-Bears gummy candy.

And, as Just Sayin points out  in the comments on the original post on adfreak, the ladies are not fairing much better either:  “all the boys are given kudos for their statements, but both of the girls, not so much. One gets “corrected” on her data and the other receives no good mention of her online data.”

I suppose since when I was 5 playing dress-up, we wore fake curlers and bath robes to be “play-house-wives,” things are getting better, but still a long way to go!  Sigh…

Quick.  Gut answer.  If you see an African American and a Caucasian person debating Affirmative Action, which side of the fence  would you imagine each is on?

As students prepare to return to college for the fall, an article on NPR last week explored “Affirmative Action:  How Far Have We Come?” reflecting on the case of white student Jennifer Gratz, who in 2003 filed the first law suit presented before the Supreme Court claiming she was denied entry because of discrimination under the University of Michigan’s Affirmative Action policy.

As might be expected, NPR staff writing the article consulted both African American and Caucasian thought leaders for their opinions on the subject.  Note that the races of the pundits were not acknowledged, but what was interesting is that the black commentator, John McWhorter, argued against Affirmative Action, while the white commentator, Tim Wise, was for it.

For those that know McWhorter and Wise’s work, it’s actually not surprising.  McWhorter is known for his criticism of welfare and how “therapeutic alienation transformed welfare into a multigenerational dependence program.”  Wise writes extensively about White Privilege, and has said “The denial of racism is a form of racism itself.”

So why did I note their race as related to their ideas in the story?  Because it didn’t jive with that unconscious idea of what blacks and whites SHOULD think about Affirmative Action.  Indeed, at least from this 2002 study by Harris Interactive for the journal American Demographics, 80% of whites and 71% of Hispanics are against the special preference given by Affirmative Action; and 84% of blacks think that Affirmative Action is still necessary.

Two days later, thinking about the article, an image of “Shoulder Pads,” so popular in the 80’s, popped into my mind.  My tailored jackets with their big puffy epaulettes still hang in the closet, ready for duty.  Drawers hold shoulder pads since cut out, but saved, just in case, for their reappearance.

“Be free!  Get rid of them!” coached my college girlfriend.   Even my 9 year old son says “Shoulder pads are out of style, mommy.”

And so are two-dimensional ideas about race and race relations.  It’s hard to remember this when political pundits and TV personalities grab more and more attention with outrageous and divisive opinions and the public dialogue on everything from Supreme Court nominees to immigration to personal scandal is increasingly polarized.

But back at home, in real life, you get a lot farther by noticing that things don’t always match what you thought about “the way things are,” that people will not answer a certain way, simply because of their race.

Like huge shoulder pads, perhaps it’s time to get rid of outdated, clichéd views of race.  The first step, sometimes, is recognizing they are outdated (a skill that can be learned and practiced).

Any things or ideas you’re hanging onto?

Photo credit:  Philadelphia Weekly: Style

I just spent 1/2 an hour watching Rhett and Link’s local commercials at ilovelocalcommercials.com,  which are absolutely wonderful snippets of middle America and small town businesses that have been nominated (by anyone…nominate your favorite business) to have a free local commercial made for them by Rhett and Link, sponsored by MicroBilt.

Some local commercials beg the question as to whether it’s stereotypes in advertising if it’s a real person just being himself, and others are multicultural simply as a natural reflection of the people working  at the business.

But what led me there was that I woke up this morning thinking about the time in college when all of the African-Americans on my dorm floor starting started stopping by and visiting my dorm room.  It was after a weekend when two close friends from High School, one black and one white, had made a surprise visit for the weekend.

Before the visit from my black friend, cordial.  After, it felt like I was “in.”

But what got me thinking about that was a comment by moderator Tyrone Stoudemire, Global Director of Diversity and Inclusion at Hewitt Associates, at a panel discussion last week, “How Diversity Positively Impacts Business, about unconscious bias, this time on the part of young African-Americans who resisted or questioned motives when a senior White leader within a company tried to help or mentor them.

And that circles us back to the ad above.  Okay, I found it by (cringe) searching YouTube for “White people being nice to black people.”  I was just curious.  Was I missing something?  Was it really that uncommon?

By having to state that Blacks and Whites both love Red House Furniture, the unconscious assumption is that Blacks and Whites getting along, or having something in common is not the norm…we have to show how we are different.

Do we unconsciously assume that someone from another race won’t like us, BEFORE we assume a neutral first connection?

Dillon came home from a great field trip last week with Northlight Theatre Camp to see Shrek the Musical, presented by Broadway in Chicago at the Cadillac Theatre in Chicago.

“How was the play, I asked?” mostly thinking it was a cute and innocuous attempt by Broadway to engage younger audiences (although I heard gasps of mortification when “Spiderman:  The Musical” opened on Broadway in New York last January).

“It was good,” he answered, a pretty inane expected response from a nine-year-old.  “But it had a really bad stereotype,” he continued.  “Donkey was the only African -American actor, and he cussed, used bad words, and bad grammar.  And he was the only one who did it.  It was really stereotpyed.”

In watching the movies,  Donkey (or “Ass” as Shrek affectionately called him once or twice) was played by Eddie Murphy.  I never noticed the stereotype.  It was just Eddie Murphy just being…well, Eddie Murphy.

But Dillon’s immediate perception had me looking in the program book, and, indeed, the Donkey character was the only African-American actor.  And the only character, literally, making an ass of himself.

Do you stop and call the theater?  Set up picket lines in front?

Of course not.  But do you give your child a hug and think “maybe he is actually listening to me?  Absolutely!

Unconscious bias is formed over time by repetition of stereotyped roles, that kids absorb daily from TV, books, others around them.  Doctors are White.  Robbers are Black.  Shrek, white, is kind, caring and insightful.  Donkey, black, is loud and uneducated.

For my generation we took images in media as universal truths.  For Dillon’s we break down stereotypes to see how they divide and alienate, and use that dialogue to as insight into creating an inclusive society that starts at home.

I just didn’t realize he would be smarter and more perceptive than me so young.

What are you watching with your kids?  What are you talking about?

Photo credit:  METRO.co.uk

I’ve learned in USAmerican Culture, that usually the value of “why” is measured in money…how much money will it make?  Or what Fortune 500 company are you doing it for?

As a marketing strategist, of course I tell my clients at the outset you need to define your objective, to have measurable results.

But if you think about it, why not?  Feeling compassion/empathy is a practice and a habit, just like exercise.  It takes three weeks of practice for it to become a habit, and then it’s something you can’t live without.

Mothers in Iraq or the Congo love and yearn to protect their babies just as much as mothers in the US.  Awful things don’t happen to “those people.”  They happen to people.  Practicing empathy and compassion helps to see the “person” in others.

And, all any of us has is our integrity.  Do you ‘walk the talk?’  Live a life based on your values?   If you don’t, who will?

What are your values?  Do you live them?