Dear Mrs. Obama,

Wow, what a cool appearance on I-Carly (debuted January 16, “iMeet the First Lady.” How exciting to use such a popular platform to spread the message about how important it is to support military families.  It was a brilliant marketing idea (I understand it was yours) to reach the 5.5 million people who watched the episode, making it the week’s top telecast with all kid and tween demos.  The show served as a great Public Service Announcement to support military families.

On the other hand, I’m sorry you couldn’t have put in a plug for anti-racism and healthy relationships—in particular non-violent resolution to conflict.  Without denigrating what you did and the positive message you spread, I’m wondering if you’ve watched the show lately.  While we (me, my husband and our 10 year old son) have watched the show for at least a couple of years, (and we didn’t want to miss seeing you) 2012 is the year we say goodbye.

Why? First, we can’t swallow the promotion of violence as the first resolution to conflict, particularly for young people beginning to explore love relationships.   It was the “iCan’t Take It” episode in September, at the outset of Season 5, that did it.  Freddie and Sam are getting closer, Carly hates being in the middle, Gibby gets revenge by telling Mrs. Benson, Freddie’s mom, and all hell breaks loose.  But for every conflict, Sam reacts violently.  She gets mad at Freddie, she kicks him.  She gets mad at Gibby, she pulls out a 3” section of hair and scalp.  Gibby threatens Mrs. Benson.   And it’s all supposed to be funny. 

But it’s not.  You know why?  Because teen-dating violence is real, and it’s not funny.  According to the Bureau of Justice teen dating violence statistics , about one in three high school students have been or will be involved in an abusive relationship.  The show is following tweens morphing into teens, puppy love, learning about relationships.  According to iCarly—lying, beating, punching and kicking is the way to go.  To which I say no. 

And I did, until all of the promo for iStill Pshycho, the much hyped follow-up to last year’s iPsycho, where Carly, Sam and Freddie are taken hostage by an over-zealous fan.  We hadn’t watched since September, Sam and Freddie are no longer a couple; so, let’s try it again, right?

Except that, aside from the fact that untreated mental illness is not funny (think Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords), the violence has escalated.  IPsycho features torture, sword fights, and possibly worse, passive inaction at the suffering of others.  Freddie is attacked while Sam and Carly idly watch eating cake.  “It was really good cake,” they explain.  Gibby makes it to the top of the chimney to get help for the others imprisoned inside, only to get stuck.  The neighborhood kids, seeing his plight, instead pelt him with tennis balls.  

But the subplot is what really got me…over the top racism.  T-Bo, the manager of the Groovy Smoothie shop and only African American character on the show (On the good side, I suppose, it looks like his character is being integrated more centrally into the show) is now renting a room from Mrs. Benson, Freddie’s over-protective mom.  But, it looks like to stay there, he is being forced to act “white.”  To act “Proper” is the term used in the plot summary.  But to act “proper,” he changes from his bright clothes into a suit and neatly secures his waist long dreadlocks before heading ‘home.’  He speaks in a formal voice, and has to learn to play Mahjong (Note—my 10 year old son says this last point undermines my argument that he’s forced to act white, as Mahjong is a 2,000 year old Chinese game.)  Why does he do this, the kids ask him? “If my mom sees how he really is,” answers Freddie, “she’d never let him in my house.” 

“Let’s all pretend T-Bo doesn’t have feelings,” he responds.

In the end, after riding a motorcycle through the door and saving Spencer (Carly’s older brother) and the kids from an eternity in hell, he’s allowed to be himself and stay at Mrs. Benson’s, but when he goes in to join the group hug—they recoil in disgust, not wanting to be touched by him.

So, Mrs. Obama, I understand that Sasha and Malia are fans of the show.  My question to you is, are these the lessons you are planning to teach them?  For me and my ten year old son, the answer is no.

Perhaps the real answer is watching together to talk about the issues.  “How could that have been resolved differently?”  “What would/could you have done in that situation?”

What are you and your kids doing together, and what are you talking about at the dinner table?

Photo Credits:  Mrs. Obama on iCarly, Lisa Rose/Nickelodeon, T-Bo in Suit from Robs I-Carly blog, and T-Bo as himself, Sodahead

Hey you racist, why did you mention only Serena Williams race in last week’s post about the Mother Nature/Tampax ad?

Luckily that comment didn’t come in, but as I was riding the train (or the “L” as we call it in Chicago) downtown yesterday, I realized I did mention Serena’s race, but not “Mother Nature’s”.  Why?

As for Serena, the point was that supposed to be that while she happened to be African-American, it was her star power that shined.  Her celebrity drove her selection for the ad, over racial identity.

But for Mother Nature, who is white, there is a hint (or a clobber on the head) of unconscious bias.  Isn’t it just understood that Mother Nature is white, just like Jesus, and Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy?

Save the extreme racial ignorance that accompanied Harry Reid’s recently revealed words during the 2008 election campaign, there is a parallel here:   the underlying assumption/bias that White is the norm.  In Reid’s case, he then gauges Obama’s appeal against that norm.

The white majority has the option of not perceiving themselves in a racial manner.  But only in embracing one’s identity as white, as distinct from other possible identities can you remove yourself from the center of the circle and look out as one of many identities on equal par, with equal value to offer.

How do you describe your racial identity? 

Photo credits, Jesus by mike52ad, Santa Claus by Hollywood Roadster, Tooth Fairy at Buy Costumes

Obama’s school visit this week is very reminiscent of a program we have in Chicago, called the Black Star Project–the project is all about black male adults serving as role models for black children.  In fact, that’s Secrectary of Education Arne Duncan in the photo above in 2008 in Chicago, participating in the Million Father March coordinated by the Black Star Project (BSP), to encourage fathers to take their children to school on the first day.

In fact, BSP easily schedules over 200 visits each year to 30+ schools as part of the Student Motivation Program (mostly on the south side of Chicago, and, from experience, with mostly a 100% black student population).  Motivators talk about their own career to expose youth to different career fields and then provide a general stay-in-school or inspirational message.

Anyone can volunteer, from me to President Obama.  I always open by asking if anyone knows what marketing is (only 1 right answer in 3 years) and then proceed by flashing two cereal boxes–one for children, one for adults, and ask the kids to say what they saw.  Who’s the target market?  How did they know?  By the end of the discussion we’ve identified over 100 specific, tangible jobs in marketing, and most, unwittingly, were expert marketers all along! 

My inspirational message?  Don’t let others define who you are, and if you like to do something, there’s probably a job in it (a la the Chocolate Taster Job at Hershey’s that I aspired to after a tour of the factory at age 10…it’s a real job!)  Even a young girl who playfully/sarcastically told me her favorite hobby was staring at the wall learned what an ethnographer (sort of a professional starer of sorts) does.

I’ve also followed a speaker who dropped out of high school over 20 years ago.  His career message?  Don’t be like me.  His inspirational message?  Don’t have babies.  Do they listen to him?  Absolutely.  And for some, that is the obstacle to graduation.

The point is, EVERY ADULT can and should make time to talk to school children about their career and staying in school.  The children in our inner-city public schools are not “they” as in “they” are flunking out because “they” just don’t want to learn.  No, they are John and Chantalle, Antoine, Carolyn and Maria…young people trying to stay focused and learn and get ahead in a challenging world.  You give them the perspective of your life’s learning, and a chance to think about different paths.

The Black Star Project founder Philip Jackson is very clear about its mission (which is another thing I love about it) to “improve the quality of life in Black and Latino communities of Chicago and nationwide by eliminating the racial academic acheievement gap,” and emphasizes the critical need for support from parents and communities.  But he also is unapologetic in his plea to black fathers and black male role models to step forward. 

Sometimes as a white woman, I feel like I have to say “I’m not really a black man, I just play one on TV.”   But I continue to volunteer.  Why?  They asked me to.   They make it easy (honestly, I try to visit a school once a month, probably succeed every other month, but they’ll keep you marked “active” if you do it at least once a year.)  

And, from a completely selfish point of view, I like being ‘the other.’ I like being the only white person at the school because of how it helps me understand and develop language around institutional racism.   

So, my question to everyone who complained that Obama was going out to talk to students about staying in school, is what did you do? 

When is your school visit planned? 

photo credit Black Star Project.

I’m nervous about the “Beer Summit” tonight.  It actually could be a great opportunity to have a meaningful conversation about how stereotypes and bias play out in the media, and how that, in turn, influences perception and even behavior.

But I’m afraid the framework for tonight’s meeting isn’t right.  With the focus on “who’s drinking what” the power of the moment is turning into simply a photo op-probably of Gates and Crowley reluctantly shaking hands, with Obama smiling in between.

It feels like a train wreck waiting to happen.   Why?

1. There should be other people involved for a real discussion.  With just President Obama, Gates, and Crowley…if/when they don’t agree on what happened, will they just glare at each other coldly in uncomfortable silence?  Certainly the President should not be taking sides in a he said/she said (okay, he said/he said).

2. I’d love to see Lucia Whalen there, too.  Why does it feel like, once again, the woman is marginalized, off in the corner having to defend herself, and not brought to the table for discussion?  After all, it was the misrepresentation of her as privileged white woman reporting break-in by black men (she’s Portuguese-American, and did not identify the race, saying only ‘maybe Hispanic’ when pushed) that initially fueled the cut-and-dried view of the story.

3. Needs some balanced, comic relief, to help the conversation move forward, and hopefully get to a deeper level of understanding.  Perhaps now that Jon Stewart is the “most trusted man in news” he could be involved, and bring with him Larry Wilmore, the Senior Black Correspondent on The Daily Show.

I really do think a mature conversation about institutional racism (e.g. racial profiling in the justice system) and how it affects people’s lives, how media reports perpetuate stereotypes, and perhaps even how technology (e.g. the ability to play tapes and record actual events) can ultimately help would be really interesting.

Finally, as long as I’m making this up, I’m going to suggest that my colleague Tracie Hall, Founder of GoodSeed Consulting, and I head over to facilitate the conversation, and I’m sure Tracie also would have a couple of thought leaders to involve.

“Dear Mr. President, You’re on the right track, but you’re making a grave mistake.  I think we can help…”

 Who do you think should be there?

Photo Credit:  defekto on flickr

Identifying problems or making a commentary on societal ills is great, but I want the three step approach to solving them.

So what do I do with my answer to yesterdays question, which dawned on me late last night, in pondering the census demographics for Chicago’s Hyde Park neighborhood-(I’m currently working with the Hyde Park Jazz Festival to coordinate volunteers for this amazing 15 hour event of live music, that will bring 15,000 jazz lovers to Hyde Park on September 26)

Hyde Park’s reputation is for being diverse, integrated.  So I suppose I expected to see 50% or thereabouts white, 50% people of color.  But the 2000 census identified 82+% Black/African American.   Hmm, I thought, well that’s a BLACK neighborhood.  But if it was 82%  white, 18% people of color, well, that would clearly be a neighborhood with diversity.

I know there’s something significant in my perception of neighborhoods.  I’m a diversity advocate and professional in intercultural communications, yet my unconscious bias/perception still favors being in the majority-Diversity is okay, as long as there’s not a fundamental shift in the power balance.  Ouch.

Peggy McIntosh laid a foundation of White Privilege with her work White privilege:  Unpacking the Invisible Knapsack.  But as a woman, albeit White, I didn’t always identify the power of the privileged people she described.

Tim Wise also identified institutional/societal inequities in “This is Your Nation on White Privilege.”  Again, fantastic points, but I think Sara Palin did get called out on a lot of the things he awarded her, or that many defended or applauded Obama for his positions, and the alignments were not always race based.

So what’s the action?  Diversity Training focuses on changing actions but doesn’t address thoughts/feelings at all (think Solzhenitsyn-One Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovich-you can control my body but not my mind).  But, unconscious bias/life experience informs actions. 

I like to think a keen sensitivity to recognizing one’s own bias coupled with empathy for diversity of ideas and perspective, translated into a plan of action, can ultimately lead to a fundamental, positive  transformation in how we operate in a multiracial, multiethnic society.

What do you think?

I shared with my husband the article in yesterday’s New York Times, about President Obama’s decision to give a meeting with Prime Minister Putin a backseat to some time with his family. 

 From an intercultural communications perspective, it struck me as 100% against the grain–the entire idea is to understand your counterpart’s orientation and frame of reference, and, particularly if sales are at stake, to meet them more than halfway to come to mutual understanding. 

The ultimate evaluation of the visit seems to be positive, and perhaps as the “American President” he was more concerned about appealing to Americans, as might be interpreted by his trying to maintain a work/life balance (although my husband and I, who on paper differ in terms of cultural background, religion and political orientation, both agreed we thought the President should always be a President first, family second).

I was more taken aback by his joke about his daughter Sasha’s name, notable for its Russian connection.  As the NYTimes reported, “Mr. Obama jokingly called her “Agent 99,” after the “Get Smart” character. “She just looked like she knew where she was going,” he said. “I thought she was going to pull out her shoe phone.”

Don’t get me wrong, I loved the original Get Smart TV series, but wasn’t it about the Cold War, based on mistrust and stereotypes of Russians as spies?  Would that be the best joke to use to build trust for the future? 

It looks like no one (besides me) took note, but have you ever tried humor in a cross-cultural situation and had it backfire?  What was the situation?  How did you respond?

The Wall Street “China Journal admittedly hasn’t verified this with Robert Gibbs, but we’ll go out on a limb and say that Obama’s presence in the ad is unauthorized.”

The ad and product seem to be ‘double shanzai,’ a Blackberry copy being advertised by an unauthorized Presidential image.  Is this a parody?  The ultimate in cultural appropriation?  Or just plain piracy?  If it’s cultural appropriation, when/where is the line between offense, flattery, or just plain humor or parody?

Conan O’Briens Venture into International Advertising

She designed a curriculum for the mostly non-native English speaking front-line staff having to do with work specific language:  What’s a smidgeon?  What’s “not too spicy.”  How about “just a teeny bit?” or “gimme gobs.”  This training around understanding colloquial terms related to this product did wonders for line productivity as well as employee morale and customer satisfaction, as employees and customers could better relate to each other across this critical line of service delivery.

When my husband and I first met 22 years ago, he had less than a year of English under his belt.  He used to get upset that I didn’t correct every word as he spoke it, to help better his English.  But in communicating in a language other than your own, words are just icons.  I know that “amor” means “love” in Portuguese, because someone told me, or I read it in a book.  But when I say “amor,” does it mean we’ll live happily every after, or that I “amor” you just as I love my Great Aunt Gertrude on my mother’s side once removed?  It completely depends on who is saying it and what he or she has experienced in life up to that particular moment.  And that is true whether both are native English speakers, or Chinese or Spanish or sign language.

Once clarified, for me and my then boyfriend, it meant that I had become more important to him than his truck, and my affection for him had surpassed my love of chocolate chip cookies.  With my son, I now know a “dab” more ice cream means a lot more to him than to me.

Have you ever been making a brilliant argument with someone and he or she gets caught up on a particular word you have said and it throws off the whole conversation?  How about Barack Obama and Hilary Clinton during the primary debates?  What would happen if you stopped and defined your use of the term:  “When I say ‘partnership’ this is what it looks like…what does that word  mean for you?”  Have you had an opportunity where you wish you had done that?  When have you done it and succeeded?