Good morning! On today’s episode of “The Pretend Jew,” our heroine waivers on hosting the Hanukkah open house in her home because her Christmas tree is still up. And who doesn’t love her confused expression every time she’s in synagogue (she doesn’t speak Hebrew!) and has no idea when to sit down! And here’s your hostess … Deanna!

Yes, that would be me. “The Pretend Jew,” I like to call myself in conversation. Raised Reform, don’t speak Hebrew, dropped out during my early adult life, oblivious to many intricate traditions that others seem to know innately.

Yet I’m also responsible for raising our son Jewishly. Dillon, now 9, clearly identifies as a Jew. How did that happen? (Read the full story on Interfaith Family)

I wrote that piece last year as a guest writer for Interfaith Family, but was reminded of it over the past week during Passover.  Holidays are a wonderful time to extend and perpetuate traditions. 

Our seder ended up being 22 people, Jewish and not-Jewish, from Russia to Brazil, from 5 months to age 60+–Whenever someone Jewish says they have no place to go, or another shares they’ve never been to a seder, I can’t help myself but to extend an invitation.

This year Dillon and I burned bread together the day before Passover began–my son’s idea–a tradition done as a symbol of fully clearing our house of Hometz (contraband flour and like items, although I emphasize the word “symbol” considering what remained in our cabinets!), made tzimmes (a traditional sweet potato, carrot and prune dish), and added a new “keeper,” chocolate matzo brittle. 

Mostly I like creating and building the traditions and tastes of our respective cultures.  I love coating bananas in cinnamon and powdered sugar, sauteeing them in butter, because that’s what Dillon’s Brazilian grandma made for breakfast.  We all wear white on New Year’s Eve, another Brazilian custom, and only found out afterward that, lo and behold, it’s a Jewish custom too, for Yom Kippur. 

What customs do you share in your family?  How do you blend the traditions of two cultures in an intercultural family?

When I first saw the Duncan Hines Hip Hop Cup Cake ad last month, I first wondered why advertisers would make food geared to kids so creepy (a la the Cinnamon Toast Crunch cannibal ads); and that the icing would never work…the microwave would make it too gooey or too hot to be practical.

As Ken Wheaton over at Adage  points out in his great article last month entitled “Duncan Hines ‘Hip-Hop Cupcakes’ Shows Necessity of Diverse Work Force (you can view the ad embedded in the article):

“Some folks will look at that and simply see harmless cupcakes. Others will look at it and wonder, “How is that hip-hop?” And many others, including Source.com and many, many other sites, will look at it and see cupcakes in black face.

It is amazing that with such a strong reaction, no-one, from conception to execution to release, ever stopped and said “do you think anyone might think this is offensive?”  And that’s why it’s critical

1. To have diverse teams and multiple perspectives in the workforce,
2. There’s an environment where people feel comfortable opening conversations involving race (Was there not even a “Do you think they look black?” with the last word whispered and furtive glances all around) and
3. People work on their own comfort level and vocabulary about talking about race.

As I took five weeks from the time of seeing the ad to actually “fess-up” to not seeing the initial racial images (people would think me racist if I admitted that, right?), I’m reminded of a post I ran almost at the outset of Intercultural Talk.

Almost three years later, looks like my love of lifelong learning is rewarded…there’s still lots to learn! (the original post is below)

Family Values:  Identifying Racial Stereotypes in the Media

ScienceDaily.com reported on April 2 that “Fear of Messing Up May Undermine Interracial Contact.” The report was about “a provocative new study from Northwestern University,” which “suggests that whites who are particularly worried about appearing racist seem to suffer from anxiety that instinctively may cause them to avoid interaction with blacks in the first place. Study participants indicated that they worry about inadvertently getting in trouble for somehow seeming biased.”

But I would argue that we all invariably are influenced by biases that are created by images we receive in the media everyday, and that confronting, defining and overcoming those stereotypes is essential in moving toward being more bias-free.

For example, unrealistic images of women in media have been discussed and challenged so often that intellectually we know all women are not that skinny and blemish-free. Some advertisers, such as Dove, have used that to their advantage by using ‘real’ women to promote their products.

How does this relate to representations in the media of race, ethnicity and culture? Let’s take a look at this monumental event:

One day I got out of my car and walked into a building, passing a man and a woman holding hands with a small child between them on the way.

As my little sister would say “that was a really good story.” But it was.

Because in that flash of a moment, as I defined and categorized what I saw, as we all do to unconsciously absorb and understand our world, my mind said “mom, child…who’s he?” Boyfriend? Uncle? Friend? Not “I see a mom and a dad with their child.” And I knew in that moment that if that couple had been white, I would have assumed that they were the married parents of that child, but because they were black I didn’t.

Am I afraid to tell that story because I might seem prejudiced? Maybe, but more because of the reaction to the story, not because I believe it makes me prejudiced. In fact, in that moment’s epiphany I realized that something that I had unconsciously been taught by the media and perhaps even my own upbringing to be universally true, was indeed stereotype and prejudice. It was only in that realization and the telling of it, that I grow.

On the way to dropping my son at school this morning we heard an ad for a fast-food restaurant that was boasting “hand-mashed” guacamole.

“That’s sounds kind of gross,” I said.

“Especially if it’s mashed by dirty hands,” my son added.

“Ewww” we both shouted.

Why would the advertiser think that was a desirable trait?  It reminded me of the same discussion of Grandma’s mashed potatoes from last week, and the underlying values we assign in society.

Values in any society are the central “shoulds” and “oughts.” Values are deeply embedded and consciously or unconsciously control our behaviors on a daily basis. Values vary from culture to culture; how values are expressed vary from culture to culture, and the same action in two different cultures might not trace back to the same value.

One culture may value individualism and competition (for example USAmerican Culture).  Another culture may value group and collaboration (for example, Japanese culture).  Individuals from both cultures may work equally hard (the action) but for one it’s for personal gain, for the other it may be so the group succeeds–the underlying value is different.

On the flip side, two individuals may intend to show deep respect for another person.  In one culture deep respect is demonstrated by direct, steady eye contact; in another culture, the ultimate show of respect is avoiding eye contact.  You can imagine the misunderstandings or tension that might underlie an exchange between people of these different backgrounds.

But back to my guacamole.  The underlying value here and with the potatoes is that something made by hand, as opposed to a machine, is better.  It hearkens back to a day when automated assistance (aka kitchen gadgets) weren’t as readily available, restaurants and convenience foods weren’t an option, and “home made” was often the only option.

And my question is…does that value still hold true in USAmerican Society?  We like fresh, we like healthy, but we like convenience.  We want it now.  We like time spent with our mom, not time she spends hidden in a kitchen.

Marketers spend oodles of time thinking about marketing to international cultures.  But maybe it’s time to reevaluate the changing values of society, and how we are marketing to consumers here at home.

For me, I’d be more tempted by the potatoes from the Chef at Mon Ami Gabi, and I’d rather not think too deeply how you made my guacamole.  What about you?

Photo Credit:  Whatscookingamerica.net

White Tim White talks a lot about White Privilege, White Peggy McIntosh is well-known for “Unpacking the White Knapsack” about what it means to be white, and most recently, White Mikhail Lyubansky, professor of Psychology at the University of Illinois, takes a stab at the notion in his article on psychologytoday.com, “Going Where Glenn Beck Refused to Go:  Defining White Culture.” In the article, Lyubansky refers to “Thandeka’s Race Game,” a game she shares in her book, Learning to Be White, after a white colleague asked what it was like to be black.

The Race Game, as my luncheon partner very quickly discovered, had only one rule.  For the next seven days, she must use the ascriptive term white whenever she mentioned the name of one of her Euro-American cohorts.  She must say, for instance, “my white husband, Phil,” or “my white friend, Julie,” or “my lovely white child Jackie.”

But this one didn’t seem to feel right for me–maybe because it would be my “Brazilian husband,” or my “Asian colleague.”  Or maybe it’s because I’ve long been sensitive to attaching racial qualifiers to anything–you’re not a great “African-American Artist,” you’re a great artist who’s African American.

What seemed more at the heart was the dichotomy set up by majority culture…There’s white, and then there’s everything else.  I notice that you are black or Hispanic, but no-one ascribes a label to me, because I’m white.  It’s like why colorblind doesn’t work–WHITE can be colorblind because no-one notices your color.  But for a person of color, no-one lets you forget it.

So I wore my racial identity on my chest.  Literally, with my “I Am White” Button.

Here’s what I noticed day one:

1.  The first person who saw it was my banker at the drive through, a young woman I have labeled Hispanic, who asked what it was, thinking that the person she’s known and been nice to for years was actually a white suprematist.  When I explained my game, she said “Oh, I thought it was because of Arizona, you know with everything about Immigration there now.”  Dillon only got one lollipop instead of the usual five, and I was left fearing I would get beat up before the end of the day.

In the absensce of defining or claiming white culture, what is white is being defined for us.

2.  I made a new best friend at the coffee shop where I was meeting for work on the Hyde Park Jazz Festival today.  After a minute or two she said, “alright, I have to ask, does that say ‘I am white’?  The people at the next two tables chimed in once she mentioned it.  I explained the game, and why I was wearing the button, and she (African American) said “Your right!  I do that all the time…I say “my white friends, or my “crazy friends” or my “black friends..”

Wait, I thought, you’re doing it wrong!  Only white people are supposed to use racial qualifiers…you do it too?

3.  I felt really self-conscious all day, and on a couple of occasions actually hid my button with papers when someone I knew walked by (nice that I can just hide my racial identifier when I want to).  My last stop of the day was the post office, and both of the gentlemen behind the counter asked,  one with an immediate “I am white…what is that about?”

I again explained that as a white person in a majority white culture, I didn’t have to wear my race on my sleeve…but that my understanding from the field, from blogs, etc. was that for people of color, they were more conscious of their race all the time.  And that’s how I felt most of the day, almost ‘palm-sweatingly’ hyper-conscious of my white race.

“It’s not that I’m conscious of my race (black) he said–I don’t think about it at all.  It’s that I hear something.  Someone will say something, and that’s what brings it to the forefront.”

What do you think?  What would you say if you saw the button?  Or, wear one and let me know what happens?

I found this to be a fantastic approach to Multicultural Marketing in today’s global world. Readily recognizable Telemundo announcer, Andres Cantor, but in English, and great underlying connection to World Cup right now.

I’d be curious to know the intended target audience for the ad and the response, but it strikes me as an ad that reflects the nature of today’s global society–people of different backgrounds interact in the same space all the time. 

I’m bi-lingual so I don’t think I even noticed Cantor was speaking Spanish*, and as the wife of a Brazilian I think I’ve been hearing the “GOOOOOOOOOOOOAL” and excitement about soccer for years—particularly a lot recently with World Cup on in waiting rooms, school cafeterias and more in recent weeks.   

But then as a double check I asked my Brazilian husband, who used to do real-time translation/sports broadcasting for ESPN when they were expanding their presence in Brazil in the 90’s—“Do you think most non-Hispanic USAmericans would recognize this broadcaster?”

He did not.

This makes the ad even more interesting…an ad targeted to the Hispanic Market that is primarily in English, with Spanish more as a sidebar—not carrying the message. 

This completely recognizes the changing face of the Hispanic market—with second and third generation immigrants, fluent in English, with English the language spoken in the home as well.  It’s a more current take on the idea of Hispanic Target Market.

What do you think?  Do you recognize Cantor?  Are you bi-lingual?  How/does the ad speak to you?

*Translation (from respondent on Geico’s Youtube site) It’s a fierce match today and (whover that guy is) is thinking! He’s thinking! We will see what he’s going to do. Will he move the queen or will he move the horse? How suspenseful! It’s coming! Coming coming coming GOAAAAAAAAAAAAA…

As someone married to an “Eugenio” (Brazilian Portuguese ay-oh-ZHEN-ee-oh) I was delighted to find the website Hearnames.com, which offers audio pronunciation by native speakers of hundreds of names in 44 language categories. 

Dale Carnegie taught millions how to Win Friends and Influence People with ideas like “Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.”  And in today’s global market, interacting and selling “in any language” is indeed a reality. 

Telling Jianguo “how about if I just call you Jim,” especially if he’s the CEO, might not bode well for your big international deal!

I heard about the site from Andres Tapia, author of The Inclusion Paradox and Chief Diversity Officer of Hewitt Associates, on his blog (via @joegerstandt, @andresttapia on Twitter).  His point, well taken, is that

To achieve inclusion, we need to know how to constructively call out our differences. But what if you can’t even pronounce each others’ names?”

What if you need more advanced lessons?  You won’t want to miss twochinesecharacters tongue tennis.  I’m not even going to try to explain.  But, as a marketer I’ve got to respect their use of visuals, and it does work (take a look at the link above).

I finally wrote a love poem to my husband 10 years into our marriage.  In the poem I pointed out “I would have written sooner, but the problem YOU-MAY-KNOW, was finding the right word, to rhyme with EU-GEN-IO.” 

Hmm…any websites to help with that?  What about you?  Do you have a hard name to pronounce?  How is your pronunciation?

WIXX (101.1FM) rightly decided to stop airing a peculiar 1950s ballad about a love-struck Native American couple after listeners complained about the banter surrounding the song, “Running Bear.” Listeners told Menominee tribal member Richie Plass, a Native American activist, that whooping and inappropriate comments regarding Native Americans accompanied the song, which aired regularly on Fridays on “Murphy in the Morning” until last week.

Another recent event that screamed cultural ignorance was the students who dressed as the KKK to create a film for a history class in Lumpkin County, and caused concern and fear when they walked through the cafeteria at their school.  One response of the school district (in addition to putting the teacher on leave while the incident is investigated) was to “review all class films for approval before proceeding.”

I would love to create a “tool kit” sort of dialogue box that would be required any time an incident like this happens.  As the Greenbay editorial says, ignorance should no longer be an excuse for perpetuating stereotypes.  That said, the dialogue following an event like this usually gets stopped at”what were they thinking,” or in a contrast between “you’re racist” and “you’re too sensitive.” (If you’re not sure what I mean, read through the comments following reporting of any incident of this kind.)

And in the end, the solution is usually “we will never do this again.”  That sounds good–public institutions, media, etc. should not be perpetuating racism. 

But the unfortunate side is that in the absence of good, deep facilitated dialogue to understand the origins of the stereotype, the different cultural perspectives and how we can learn from this incident, we end up silenced. 

And it was silence and complicity that allowed racism to grow in the first place.

What conversations are you not having?

I need to go take a shower.

I just caught myself talking to my husband’s kindly Indian colleague over the phone like he was an idiot, plus I read this article by Tim Wise “Imagine if the Tea Party Was Black,” and realized I am guilty. (This is a must read!)

One, because looking at actual numbers I had assumed the tea party was inconsequential, and two, because, between me, you, the lamppost and my conscience, I would have been scared last week when I had to walk through a dispersing crowd at a Tea Party rally in Spokane, had the group been black.

It was ironic that just next door to the Spokane Convention Center where the Tea Party Rally was held was the Doubletree Hotel, where the SIETAR USA conference was being held.  SIETAR, the Society for Intercultural Education, Training and Research was talking about living and working in an intercultural world (I was in town for the latter).

On my way to dinner I had to walk alone through the crowd of mostly older, white men and women, dressed in blue jeans and American flags, carrying signs condemning Obama and his policies.  My dramatic protest?  I said “no thank you” when offered their printed propaganda.  Ooohh, you are so brave!

Using the Peggy McIntosh model, White Privilege is questioning why moderate Muslim leaders don’t vocally condemn fanatical Muslims, while standing quietly aside and disassociating myself from radical White Christians.

But this is also a good “wake-up call.”  While I strive to be aware of my own cultural orientation, biases and communication style, it is said that when under stress we revert to those first learned.  

In other words, when faced with the day to day challenges of life (balancing work, family, health, economy, etc.) or events more dramatic, we might revert to our “natural” or first learned communication tendencies, and forget our intercultural yearnings.

Shwooh—I guess the good news is that I’ve realized all of this before leaving my house this morning.  Good thing I haven’t done anything stupid like publicizing my unconscious bias on a public blog or something.

Anything you want to come clean about?  How does recognizing your unconscious gut responses make you a better person?

Photo credit flickr Rachid Lamzah