Why “brewing,” and not the implied “spontaneity” of a blog post?  Because the description above uses perfectly refined, planned, and politically neutral language that doesn’t really convey two episodes of what I believe to be unconscious bias on the part of two of the three lone white people in the room of otherwise 30+ African-Americans during the session. 

The first one was me (ouch!), one of three Caucasians and the “subject matter expert” leading the presentation.  Not sure who/how many caught what I would call my “gaffe” but here’s what happened.  I dove into the strategies and activities, without giving an overview of what we mean by Diversity and Inclusion in the Workplace.  As more general questions started right away, I realized immediately my unconscious assumption:  That because the audience was African American, OF COURSE everyone would know about Diversity and Inclusion in the workplace.  But, indeed, that field is just like any other area of expertise, you study it, there are best practices, there are academic studies….

Luckily, I had learned my lesson from the last time I had made fun of someone from another culture (now I’m being playful, even flirtatious, because I’m talking about my Brazilian-born husband in contrast to my Missouri-Jewishness) and had a batch of “Extra Slides” at the back of the file that had the “Business Case for Diversity and Inclusion” in place and ready to go.  There’s buried in here somewhere a 15 year overdue apology for making fun of my husband because when he was working on his MBA he occasionally would ask me to proof his presentations.  “But they’re 100 slides!” I’d protest. “No, it’s just the first 10,” he would say, “the rest are back-up.”  To which I would think, “Whatever.  No one in the United States does it that way.”

At any rate, thanks to following my lovely husband who didn’t know what he was doing, I was able to seamlessly (I’m pretty sure it was seamless to most) pull up the overview slides from another presentation I’ve given in the past,( presumably to white people—my commentary here) and give the overview with authority.

So then we went into my favorite part, Intercultural Communications.  It’s my favorite because I live and breathe it. I’m a marketer by profession, and specialize in communicating to people of different backgrounds.  Understanding the various communications styles, recognizing my own, and how all of these might be influenced by cultural and gender differences, is fascinating.

So here comes unconscious bias number two, from Philip* who was from one of the area’s larger Public Relations firms.  Philip was #2 Caucasian at the event, and his colleague Martha made the third and final (I think it’s important, just because I think my reactions to things were possibly influenced by being in the minority—which makes me hyper-conscious, curious if it’s typical when being in the minority to temper behavior, and of course curious about grave implications for that in the workplace, etc…)

Oh, we were talking about Philip.  So the conversation was about Communications Styles. “Direct,” which puts facts over people to divine truth and understanding, and “Indirect” which looks at feelings and relationships first. 

When I asked the group if Direct or Indirect was more prevalent in the workplace, all said “Indirect.” Which, as a Direct communicator I thought “are you kidding?  US Business norms are all about results and action, normed around a male, Western European communication style.  But, again, this is not about me….

So what I said was that it’s interesting to see how communications styles do seem to trend around culture and gender, so for example studies show that 50% to 80% of Hispanics tend to favor an Indirect communication style, or 50% to 80% of white men tend to favor Direct.

And that’s when Philip, in HR asked his question.   “But if it’s only 50% to 80% then really it’s not a statistic at all.  I tend to evaluate each person individually and build relationships with people one at a time.”

My gut thought was “like being colorblind.”  And the immediate reactive thought to that was (okay, that’s the problem, I knew something was wrong at the time, but it took me a good week to really think it through) the problem with the colorblind approach is that it is often the privilege of the majority culture to be color blind.  Because the structures of society, and certainly the USAmerican workplace, are normed around the majority culture.  So what I could have said was “That’s actually belies your white privilege, Philip, because as part of the majority culture you are not constantly reminded of your race or culture.”

But what I said was that while the trends shouldn’t supplant what’s in front of you, nor should groups be stereotyped by their dominant communication style, that it’s helpful as a framework to better understand one’s own style and to make sure that the reward bands—which people in the organization’s ideas and contributions are valued, are not being influenced by communication styles. 

Or, as Marti Barletta, accomplished expert in marketing to women, told me when I asked her the same question a few years ago, “you have to start somewhere, and because the commonalities to play out over a certain portion of the population, it gives you a starting place from which to operate.”

Luckily, Steve,* an HR Director at a major Chicago corporation (and African-American) then chimed in to say how effective it had been at his company when they did take into consideration the cultural implications of communication, and we moved on.

So, my 10 minutes is up (it morphed into 25…yikes!) and really this could have been summarized in three sentences:

1.  People of color are not inherently magnanimous experts on diversity, inclusion and pure, unbiased opinion.  In fact, thinking such continues to be an unconscious bias by either a.) Looking for approval from the other, or still operating from a framework of “white/majority” and everything else.
2. Claiming to be “colorblind” is a tenet of white/majority privilege, and is really only possible for someone from a majority culture.  And, seeing color or difference is natural, and does not equate to prejudice or racism.
3. If you are the invited speaker at a Professional Learning event, it’s okay to “stay on topic.” In other words, my handling of both situations, without publicly announcing the underlying bias, was okay, because the topic was diversity and inclusion in the workplace, not the underpinnings of racial inequity in society.

On that last one, though, while it may make me a great, consummate professional, it might not catapult me to ideological fame.  I’m reminded of seeing Gloria Steinem speak at an event in Chicago a number of years ago.  She espoused these amazing, controversial opinions, and had no qualms about calling it out like it was.  “She’s fabulous,” I remember thinking.  “I wish I could be in a position to say whatever I thought and have people listen.”

But that goes one further, to the idea that “when your mouth is open, your ears are closed.”  So maybe I’m not too far off.

What are the interactions that make you uncomfortable, that have you still thinking about them three weeks later?  Those are the ones to follow…

* Names changed

Just ask Ryan, who’s overweight, or Samantha who doesn’t quite know how to socialize—because of a developmental disability, or maybe not.  Kids know when they are different, but do they know how to make others feel included?

In honor of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. Day my mom, a 40 year veteran of teaching Religious Education at two reform Jewish congregations, asked me to be the “guest speaker” last weekend for her kindergarten class about the legacy of Dr. King.

I had 20 minutes, and they were 5.  In the world of “coulda, shoulda, woulda” could I have prepared more?  Should I have included more biographical information on Dr. King?  Would it have been better for her to have selected someone else?

Sure, but here’s what I say.  1.) Put your money where your mouth is.  If someone asks you to volunteer to speak about something about which you feel passionate (equitable society, combating prejudice, etc.) you say yes, and 2.) If adults will only remember three things that you tell them, kids will remember one.

The Government was denying people rights because of their skin color.  That was wrong.  Dr. King acted and fought for what was right.

Alright kids, what does Judaism say we are obligated to do when we see something wrong in the world?  “Fix it!” they shouted.  Lesson learned?  Hope so.  Lesson lasting?  Hope so too.

Here’s what we did in 20 minutes or less:

ACTIVITY 1:  “Same and Different”

EQUIPMENT NEEDED:  None

ROOM SET-UP:  Helpful to have two to three distinct corners, tables, or ‘bases’ within room where kids can go.

LEARNING OBJECTIVE:  We really don’t know anything about a person or what we might share in common with them, just by physical appearance.  Getting to know someone is what shows his or her character.  Judging before knowing is called prejudice, and might prevent a child from making a good friend.

HOW TO:  Select 4 to 6 questions that will allow the kids to self-select based on things called out by the leader.  Examples might be “boy or girl;” “oldest, middle, youngest, or only child;” “food preferences, such as liking fish or chocolate.”

“If you are the oldest child, go to table 1. If you are the youngest child, go to table 2. If you’re the middle child, table 3”

“If you are a boy, got to table 1; if you are a girl, go to table 2”

“If you are Jewish, go to table 1.”  (Also good to show that just because we are all the same, Jewish, doesn’t mean we all like the same things.)

“If you like to eat fish, go to table 1.  If you don’t like fish or you’re a vegetarian, go to table 2.”

Each time the kids were told to look at who was in their group.   Sometimes kids were similar or different based on physical characteristics. Sometimes all the kids were the same.  And sometimes kids found things in common with each other that they didn’t know just by looking.

“So what can you tell just by looking at someone?”  “Nothing!” answered one child.”

“How can you tell if you might be friends with someone?  “By what’s inside,” said another.

ACTIVITY 2:  Blue Eyes/Brown Eyes (VERY truncated version derived from hearing about the original experment)

EQUIPMENT NEEDED:  None

ROOM SET-UP:  Helpful to have two to three distinct corners, tables, or ‘bases’ within room where kids can be in the same room, but separated.

LEARNING OBJECTIVE:  Recognizing Institutional Bias and standing up against it, just like Dr. King.

“Everyone with blue eyes go to table one.  Everyone with Brown eyes go to table 2.”

“Now, what if the teacher said I’ve got lots of juice, but today only the kids with blue eyes can have more juice.  There’s no juice for the brown-eyed kids, even though I have plenty.  Is that fair?”

“NO!” shouted the kids.

“Well that’s exactly what happened with Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.  In his case it was actually the United States Government, not just the teacher, who was being unfair and not sharing everything that was available with all of the people.”

“And what does Judaism teach us that we have to do if we see something wrong in the world?”

“We have to fix it” said Emily, “just like Martin Luther King.”

I saw an ad on late nite TV last night for a pharmaceutical promoted as critical to help men’s health as they age.  The patient was an older white man, and the doctor (also a man) was African American.

According to a recent article by Ronald Brownstein in the National Journal Magazine, “The Gray and the Brown:  The Generational Mismatch, this casting is an accurate representation of the future.  According to the article, 

From one direction, racial diversity in the United States is growing, particularly among the young. Minorities now make up more than two-fifths of all children under 18, and they will represent a majority of all American children by as soon as 2023…

At the same time, the country is also aging, as the massive Baby Boom Generation moves into retirement. But in contrast to the young, fully four-fifths of this rapidly expanding senior population is white.

Brownstein reflects on this as a source of conflict:  “In an age of diminished resources, the United States may be heading for an intensifying confrontation between the gray and the brown”

But what if it was the exact dynamic that would make everyone jump up and say “we all need intercultural communications training…NOW!”  And why now?

A look at small business marketing may help.  When a business owner thinks of his/her “elevator speech,” the 30 second encapsulated description of his/her business, the advice is to go for the pain.*  What is the pain your client feels and how does your company heal it—that’s how you get someone hooked

Until now, perhaps majority white populations haven’t collectively felt the pain.  But an aging population dependent on younger, diverse caregivers may shift that balance.

I always refer to my 79-year-old white dad as my “single person focus group.”  When I explained my work in intercultural competence and communications, he would say “that’s nice, for those who need it, but not integral to success of a business.”

Yet when he recently was in a rehab center after a fall, he called me.  “Can you give me some of your tips on Intercultural Communications?” he asked.  “I’m realizing it’s critically important for me to connect to the (majority African American) people helping me here.”  From the physical therapist to the nurses to the person delivering his meals, “If I connect with them I feel better, and I recover more quickly.”

Suddenly he realized the critical need for intercultural competence because he felt the pain.  Understanding when “the difference makes a difference” or recognizing direct vs. indirect communications styles, helped.  “You’re a genius” he said at the end of our “lesson.”

So federally mandated Cultural Competence Training for all seniors?  Ultimately it takes “two to tango” and it always works better when both ‘sides’ of a conversation have facility in recognizing and understanding the influence of culture on different communication styles.

But why not?   As I sit at the precipice of being an old white woman, and it’s more authentic to say “here’s what I can do” rather than “here’s what you can do to serve me” (ah, if only it worked that way!) and 2.) The person feeling the “pain” is the one with the most impetus to start.

What do you think?  Are we headed for doom, or opportunity, as gray meets brown?

*Sign up for the free American Family Insurance Business Accelerator Program for access to the free webinar “Refining Your Elevator Pitch and Taking Your Business to the Next Level.”

A teaching moment arose the other day, where I was able to point out to Dillon the multicultural perspective on a particular show we were watching.

“Awww, do we have to do the multicultural thing?” he asked.   It was as though he thought I was just sermonizing on “the right thing to do.”  Oh my goodness, I thought–is living interculturally, being anti-racist,  just “mommy preaching?”

I’ve got him on traditions and foods (a la the cooked bananas above, introduced to us originally by Dillon’s Brazilian Grandma)  But any good intercultural trainer will tell you that just the “rah rah shish boom bah” stuff won’t elicit fundamental, sustainable, organizational change.

And then there’s the parenting basic–as kids get older they will do the opposite of what you say, just because you said it.  Reminds me of the old Saturday Night Live skit with Gilda Radner–the parents are on the floor smoking pot, their kids complaining how awful it is and how they would never do that.  Once the kids leave the parents stop and ask each other “how long do we have to keep this up?”

“Just Say No” did end up sticking, after so much repetition.

But looking at and Intercultural Communications/ Organizational Diversity Model…leadership has to be from the top down, and actions speak louder than words.

Good to remember.

How do you communicate  your values to your children?

I caught this version of Tracy Chapman’s “Give Me One Reason” on the radio today, that she did with Eric Clapton, and it was great.  Her sultry tones complemented by his distinctive blues guitar were wonderful. 

Each was able to bring her/his unique style to the table to produce a fantastic product in a spirit of mutual respect. 

Kind of like the way it’s supposed to work in the workforce.  It’s called engagement and inclusion–and studies show that diverse teams, where team members recognize and value each other’s styles and what each brings to the table, consistently outperform homogenous teams. 

In the workforce many still struggle–While companies work toward a truly diverse workforce, reward bands (particularly in US corporations) tend to favor direct, immediate, task oriented output and don’t always keep employees who are relationship oriented or who provide critical support roles motivated.

The music analogy is a good one, and is particularly true with Chamber music, including jazz.  According to Chamber Music America, Chamber music is “music for small ensembles in which players perform one to a part, generally without a conductor.”

At the heart of this art form is a spirit of collaboration. Democratic in essence, chamber music demands that each individual engage in a close musical dialogue with the other performers. Their collective musical instinct, experience, knowledge, and talent guide the process of interpreting, rehearsing, and performing.

In other words, it respects the expertise of each individual musician and values the unique sound they bring to the whole.  Isn’t that what would make a diverse workplace thrive?

p.s.  If you are in Chicago you can get a first hand taste of this kind of musical collaboration with the new Jazz Duets Series created by Carolyn Albritton for Chicago’s Hyde Park Neighborhood.  Howard Reich, Arts Critic for the Chicago Tribune thinks it’s terrific.  (Albritton is also Music Director for the September 25, 2010 Hyde Park Jazz Festival.)

Yes, I stayed nearby to make sure he didn’t get burned on the stove, but that isn’t the point of the story.

The point does tie into his problem with math, and the need to learn his multiplication tables.  And all of this ties into teaching children good intercultural skills.

Did you catch that word?  It was teach.  Dillon was able to cook his own meal because I have involved him in the process of cooking for years now.  He has stood side-by-side, helped mix, been allowed to dig his thumbs all the way through the eggs and get mess on the floor before mastering cracking them into a bowl. 

And, he’ll learn his multiplication tables when he studies his flashcards and memorizes them.

None of this is an accident, and none of it is by osmosis.  It’s a combination of setting an example, but mostly  by explicitly giving lessons and teaching.

I was reminded this by reading the article “Bigotry, Blindness and Basketball” by Kristin Howerton that was cross-posted on loveisntenough (formerly Anti-Racist Parent).

In the post, Howerton talks about taking her kids, who are black, to a basketball program where another child, who is white,  said out loud that he didn’t want to hold her son’s hand because he was black.  Luckily her sons didn’t hear this, and had a great time at practice.

When Howerton approached her, the mom of the other child became defensive, saying she didn’t believe her child would say that, because they had taught him to be colorblind.  And that there was the problem.  In teaching one to be colorblind, we in essence are saying “Don’t talk about race.  It’s bad to notice.”

I  could be wrong, but I bet you will never hear a parent of color say “I raise my children to be color blind, to not see the color of a person’s skin.”  For someone of color, living in a majority white culture, I imagine it’s impossible not to be reminded constantly of your color.  It’s the privilege of someone white, against which much of US society is normed, to say “I don’t notice color.”  Well, of course not, if all discourse is normed around you (aka me)!

So setting an example and teaching about intercultural communications with our children is critical.  Just as a child can learn to cook and do his math equations, he can learn language and reflection on social justice. 

Our children may mortify us by what they say at times, but look at how to use it to open an dialogue.  If a child doesn’t want to hold hands with someone who is different and you swear you didn’t teach him that, know that he/she got it from somewhere.  And if you don’t like what he/she has learned, then provide the language that you hope will guide his/her ideas as he/she grows.

 The anthropological approach gives each group ‘hegemony,’ the power to exist in its own right. It recognizes the inherent value that multiple perspectives bring to probelm solving and innovation.

 The idea is to know thyself first, then observe, participate, interact, to know ‘the other.’ It’s like being an ethnographer studying yourself–being keenly aware of how you communicate (as an individual or business), revealing your unconscios bias, being sensitive to how others react to you, and fine tuning your messages accordingly, with the ultimate goal to create multicultural marketing that doesn’t perpetuate stereotypes. 

Do you know your own communication style?  How do you define your own cultural identity?  If you are white, do you identify culturally that way?

It’s funny that after presenting a workshop on communication styles, I’m obsessing about my communication style. 

I think it’s because I’m more aware now that I’m an “emotive-intuitive” communicator (I speak passionately about things I believe in and like to throw out big ideas as they come to me) and the “norm” for the business world (in the US)against which rewards are doled out is “rational,” meaning more direct and impersonal. “Just the facts, Ma’m.”

When we talk about diversity in business, at the end of the day it’s about embracing diverse communication styles.  It’s also about recognizing that there are “norms” dictated by the company, and people may feel like an “insider” or “outsider” based on how their communication style compares to that norm.

This actually played out when I didn’t hug my good friend goodbye after a business meeting yesterday.  Why?  Friend = Hug.  Business Meeting = Handshake.  Could I really have ‘dissed’ my friend and not hugged her goodbye, because subconsciously I thought others would think we were too “girlfriendish” and not “serious about business?”  And what norm was it that I thought I was conforming to anyway?

I decided to do some cross-cultural research about my (seemingly) own culture.  Culturecrossing.net explains it this way:

Man greeting Man – Men shake hands when greeting one another and maintain direct eye contact.  A relatively firm handshake is the way to go.  Light hugs are common between good friends and family. 

Woman greeting Woman- At a first meeting, a light handshake will suffice.  Light hugs are common between good friends and family.

Man greeting Woman-   At a first meeting a regular handshake will do.  Light hugs are common between good friends and family.

I’ve heard the statement ‘women are more emotional and men are more rational’ used to convey males’ better suitability to business, but really these are just alternate communication styles.  It’s only US business culture that places higher value on one style over another. 

Recognizing, including and rewarding a diversity of communication styles is at the true heart of employee engagement and inclusion. 

Think about your day-to-day activities in the workplace. Do you do them because they come naturally, or because you think they are expected of you?  What’s your communication style, and how is it valued within your workplace?

While you do that, I’m calling my friend to apologize!