My husband and I have skirted this conversation for 24 years.  Not really skirted.  For us, culturally Jewish (me) and Brazilian (him, non-Jewish) we are comfortable with our choices to raise our son Jewish, and make sure he is well connected to his Brazilian heritage, despite growing up in the US.  

But family members sometimes like to make suggestions.

We’ve survived my Grandmother whispering at the top of her lungs “too bad he’s not Jewish,” after we were married, and after he had just changed a flat tire on my uncle’s car to save us waiting 4 hours for AAA.

We laughed through my mom pointing out that Sergio’s mom’s maiden name, Perreira, was the most popular name for Jewish families escaping the inquisition in Portugal and fleeing to Brazil in the 1500’s.

We really laughed when the US government issued him a citizenship certificate changing his last name to Bonastein (instead of Bonaventura) when he became a citizen years ago.  “See, even the US Government wants you to be Jewish,” we joked.

But it was the conversation at dinner the other night that really gave him pause. 

Our son Dillon was contemplating becoming vegetarian and discussing the care of chickens, factory farmed versus free range, when Sergio spontaneously announced, “My mom used to drain the blood from chickens when she prepared them.”

That’s the kosher way to prepare a chicken

Hmm, we both thought.  Probably like her mom did. And her mom did.  And her mom did, just as cultural traditions, this one Jewish, are passed from generation to generation.

I remember being struck year’s ago by a woman I met in passing in the locker room at the health club.  She was a Russian immigrant who had recently relocated to Chicago.  She was talking about growing up in Communist Russia, where practicing any religion was forbidden.

Her family didn’t self-identify as Jewish, but she recently was starting to reevaluate certain traditions they had always practiced. Out of habit, and with no apparent meaning…like lighting candles on Friday nights—a Jewish, Shabbat tradition.

So what happens when culture is removed from the acts of tradition?  Does it tell a deeper story of familial history, or perhaps world history?   

What are your family traditions?  Do you know why?

Photo Credit:  fanelian’s photo stream on flickr

For Jews it’s 5771, for Christians (and the world) it’s 2010.  For the Chinese it’s 47098.  It’s 1431 Hijrea (after the migration of Muhammad PBUH from Mecca to Al-Madina ) for the Islamic calendar.  And for the Jain’s it’s going on 75,000 years.

The conversation arose during a celebration of Rosh Hashanah, the Jewish New Year that took place on September 9 this year.  “What year is it? And why are our years different, again?” my sister asked.

Really because different cultures started counting (or started counting over) the beginning of time based on the most important event…to them.  In fact, if we were looking at the beginning of earth time, the year is more like 4,600,000…now that’s a party!

While many may take this opportunity to argue the most significant event in history, most will agree to the 2010 year for practical, pluralistic purposes.

My sister’s father-in-law, however, was eager to use the discussion to open up a whole new view.

“I’m a Jain now,” he announced, “a Jewish Jain,” as he produced a book that cited 75,000 years of history (although religioustolerance.org cites the “first Jina” the roots of Jain, as a “giant who lived 8.4 million years ago.”)  He then began to delve into the practice of “salekhana,” which is fasting to death and Jain ideas of freeing the soul by conquering love and hate, pleasure and pain…”

At this point we tuned him out in favor of sitting down to dinner, but even this last act is a little bit like how ethnocentrism defines who we are:  different cultures with completely different histories, from 2,000 years to millions: Do we think about the ideologies behind our traditions and views of history?  Which one is the “right one?”

So, La Shana Tova…A sweet new year.  I just can’t tell you which year.

Can you?

White Tim White talks a lot about White Privilege, White Peggy McIntosh is well-known for “Unpacking the White Knapsack” about what it means to be white, and most recently, White Mikhail Lyubansky, professor of Psychology at the University of Illinois, takes a stab at the notion in his article on psychologytoday.com, “Going Where Glenn Beck Refused to Go:  Defining White Culture.” In the article, Lyubansky refers to “Thandeka’s Race Game,” a game she shares in her book, Learning to Be White, after a white colleague asked what it was like to be black.

The Race Game, as my luncheon partner very quickly discovered, had only one rule.  For the next seven days, she must use the ascriptive term white whenever she mentioned the name of one of her Euro-American cohorts.  She must say, for instance, “my white husband, Phil,” or “my white friend, Julie,” or “my lovely white child Jackie.”

But this one didn’t seem to feel right for me–maybe because it would be my “Brazilian husband,” or my “Asian colleague.”  Or maybe it’s because I’ve long been sensitive to attaching racial qualifiers to anything–you’re not a great “African-American Artist,” you’re a great artist who’s African American.

What seemed more at the heart was the dichotomy set up by majority culture…There’s white, and then there’s everything else.  I notice that you are black or Hispanic, but no-one ascribes a label to me, because I’m white.  It’s like why colorblind doesn’t work–WHITE can be colorblind because no-one notices your color.  But for a person of color, no-one lets you forget it.

So I wore my racial identity on my chest.  Literally, with my “I Am White” Button.

Here’s what I noticed day one:

1.  The first person who saw it was my banker at the drive through, a young woman I have labeled Hispanic, who asked what it was, thinking that the person she’s known and been nice to for years was actually a white suprematist.  When I explained my game, she said “Oh, I thought it was because of Arizona, you know with everything about Immigration there now.”  Dillon only got one lollipop instead of the usual five, and I was left fearing I would get beat up before the end of the day.

In the absensce of defining or claiming white culture, what is white is being defined for us.

2.  I made a new best friend at the coffee shop where I was meeting for work on the Hyde Park Jazz Festival today.  After a minute or two she said, “alright, I have to ask, does that say ‘I am white’?  The people at the next two tables chimed in once she mentioned it.  I explained the game, and why I was wearing the button, and she (African American) said “Your right!  I do that all the time…I say “my white friends, or my “crazy friends” or my “black friends..”

Wait, I thought, you’re doing it wrong!  Only white people are supposed to use racial qualifiers…you do it too?

3.  I felt really self-conscious all day, and on a couple of occasions actually hid my button with papers when someone I knew walked by (nice that I can just hide my racial identifier when I want to).  My last stop of the day was the post office, and both of the gentlemen behind the counter asked,  one with an immediate “I am white…what is that about?”

I again explained that as a white person in a majority white culture, I didn’t have to wear my race on my sleeve…but that my understanding from the field, from blogs, etc. was that for people of color, they were more conscious of their race all the time.  And that’s how I felt most of the day, almost ‘palm-sweatingly’ hyper-conscious of my white race.

“It’s not that I’m conscious of my race (black) he said–I don’t think about it at all.  It’s that I hear something.  Someone will say something, and that’s what brings it to the forefront.”

What do you think?  What would you say if you saw the button?  Or, wear one and let me know what happens?

Between a Bat Mitzvah (Jewish coming of age ceremony, Bat for girl, Bar for boy) on Saturday and a conversation at lunch yesterday that exposed multiple unconsicous assumptions of mine, I seem to have race, bias, and interculturalism on the brain, and in particular the idea of how culture is passed-on from one generation to the next.

One of the traditions in the Bat Mizvah ceremony is the “Passing of the Torah.   The generations line up, from the 12 or 13 year old bat mitzvah to the parents to the grandparents, and they literally pass the torah–the sacred teachings of Judaism–down from generation to generation until it lands with the youngest generation symbolically ready to takeover as an adult.  I cry every time, looking so profoundly at how we love and raise our children to lead the future. 

As far as the lunch conversation, I got stumped twice–not really stumped, but finding myself having to check my preconceived ideas about “the way things are.” 

My girlfriend, who is Chinese-American, is married to a man who is Korean-American.  Thinking I am so hip and cool unlike my fellow Americans who lump everyone together under “Asian,” I asked if she noticed differences between their Chinese and Korean cultural traditions, thinking I could expound on my deep knowledge and intercultural hyper-sensitivity. 

Well, she noticed differences, but mostly because he was, the best that she could describe, “so Indiana.”  Her husband was adopted as a baby by a couple in small-town Indiana, and their heritage traced back to Germany.  There was really nothing dominant that was culturally Korean about him.

Both instances reflect the passing and learning of culture.  The Bat Mitzvah is in the more traditional sense, Jews teaching Jewish tradition from generation to generation. 

My friend’s husband is in the more global sense, and challenges or guards us against assumptions–as culture is learned, his cultural identity and even values and communication style are most likely normed around a northern European tradition–the one in which he grew up.

But even my friend finds it interesting that a conservative, small town family did something so “exotic” (her word) like adopting a child from Asia.  In fact, when the two of them were taking a road trip (they now live in the Big City…Chicago) to see his family they stopped at McDonald’s, and she said the entire place stopped eating and stared at this Asian couple who had entered their midst. 

So he is culturally one of “them” but not immediately recognized as such. 

And, on top of that he is a stay-at-home dad.  Well, I don’t know what to say now, except that he sounds brilliant and fantastic and defies any categorization you (ouch–was that me trying to do that?) might try to place on him.

Remind you of anyone you know (yourself included?)

Photo credit MHZmaster on flickr

I found out from my Chinese-American friend (my designation-not sure how he self-identifies) on his Facebook update today that he felt misled by what he thought was a traditional Mexican holiday.  However, he discovered and shared that:

Cinco de Mayo is only a big deal in America. It’s not even a holiday in Mexico…It’s actually a Hallmark Holiday!!!

Is Cinco de Mayo a Mexican Tradition?

A quick Internet search reveals there is an original tie to Mexico.  The holiday commemorates the victory of the Mexican militia over the French army at The Battle of Puebla in 1862.  The holiday is celebrated regionally throughout the state of Puebla in Mexico. 

It seems that many (USAmericans) mistake Cinco de Mayo for Mexican Independence Day.  It’s not.  That holiday is celebrated September 16.  And for any art history buffs who also thought of Cinco de Mayo by Francisco Goya, that was made in 1808 in Spain, so no connection there either.

Or is it a US “Hispanic” Celebration?

And that, my friends, is the end of the history lesson, and the move into a sterotypically USAmerican “Hispanic” Holiday that brings together a melange of seemingly “hispanic” customs and traditions to celebrate Cinco de Mayo in the US.  (Suddenly I’m reminded of reports, albeit false, of former Vice President Dan Quayle’s lament that he hadn’t studied Latin to be able to communicate with ‘those people’ in Latin America.)

For my Facebook friend, he ads that “I’ll still be drinking, of course!” And he won’t be alone.

How it’s celebrated in the US

There’s everything from the celebration in Holyoke Colorado that begins with a Salsa Contest (which I just found out from a Panamanian salsa dance instructor has it’s roots in Cuba and Puerto Rico.) to the Cinco de Mayo Pub Crawl in Chicago that visits Moe’s Cantina, a Spanish Tapas Restaurant.  To note, the National Museum of Mexican Art, sort of the keeper of Mexican culture in Chicago, does not feature a Cinco de Mayo event.

So, is it all in good fun, or is it cultural appropriation?  Or perhaps it is, as my facebook friend discovered, simply a platform for marketing.

100% Commercial Value:  That’s USAmerican!

Companies such as Halloweenmart seem to perpetuate stereotypes, offering Cinco de Mayo ‘costumes’ that range from silly to bordering (or crossing the border) to offensive or racist, a la the Native American or Japanese Geisha costumes seen in October.  Target offers a selection of Cinco de Mayo books.  And, of course, you can order an online Cinco de Mayo card at Hallmark.

I’ll be curious to hear from my son tonight to see if the holiday was discussed at school (he did–in French class).  What do you think?  Do you celebrate Cinco de Mayo?  For the margaritas, or do you feel a cultural significance? 

Photo credit:  Metromix Chicago, round up of Chicago Cinco de Mayo Events.

Can you be a chicken and still be a good intercultural communicator?*

The short answer is “no.”

I was having an amazing conversation today (or as I said, let’s talk about something really interesting, let’s talk about me!”) with Marti Barletta of Trendsight today. 

Marti is the premier provider of ‘marketing to women’ insights and ideas, a dynamic keynote speaker, author of two books, Marketing to Women and PrimeTime Women and a frequent commentator on marketing to women on NBC, the Economist and the like.

For Women vs. Men, there’s an 80/20 rule.  80% may follow common characteristics, and 20% may not, but that doesn’t preclude you from talking about trends that will help you market to the 80%. 

Our natural instinct is to group and categorize like with like, and to be an ‘expert’ in a paticular area, you need to be able to do that in a way that’s actionable, as in “here’s how women generally behave, and here’s how you can use that to best market your product.” 

As Marti pointed out, it’s nice to be nice, but at some point you need to interpret the data and insert/assert your own position.

It reminds me of an episode of Murphy Brown, basically making fun of political correctness.  The TV station had convened a Town Hall meeting (remember, this was circa the late 80’s–probably different tone for Town Hall Meetings today!).  No matter what was said, someone took offense.  “Well, I’m African American and I take offense at that…”  Well, I’m xyz and I take offense at that…”  Finally Murphy screams “Oh, you’re all acting like children!” At which point a child stands up and says “well, I”m a child, and I take offense at that …”

The point is that I probably will offend someone, sometime.  But, I also know who I am.  If I offend, it will be unintentional.

With intercultural communications, while individual characteristics ultimately trump cultural generalizations, you can’t teach or write a book called “6 billion people and here’s how you reach them individually.”  At some point you need to identify common traits, customs or behaviors by culture (or even…gasp…race) to be able to start a dialogue.

The good intercultural communicator will not be afraid to do that.  The trick is to also have the confidence in your own identity to be able to take an unintended offense, and turn it into a doorway for communication and growth.

Who have you offended lately?  How did it turn out?

* Speaking of intercultural communications and marketing to women, I”m using the US connotation of Chicken, as in being afraid, as opposed to the Brazilian connotation of Chicken, meaning a promiscuous woman. 

Photo credit:  Forbes Nutritional Services

US business culture norms today are all about action and the bottom line.  “Show me the money!”

Think about it.   If Socrates were working at a corporation in the US today, with all of his thinking and pontificating, his boss might say “he’s full of baloney…what has he actually DONE?” (or more likely, “Socrates, stop blowing hot air and get back to work!”)

What started me thinking about how time period and culture change our view of things, was the NY Times article on Sunday, “A Charlie Chan Film Stirs an Old Controversy,” about sreenings of a 1968 long lost documentary “The Great Charlie Chan,” in New York in February, and scheduled again for March 16.

My first reaction?  “I loved Charlie Chan detective movies when I was a kid.”

So I was a little uneasy when I read the author’s, Pradnya Joshi, thoughts:

“For many activists, Charlie Chan remains a symbol of Hollywood’s failure to accurately portray Asians and Asian-Americans. The character was usually played by white actors who were made up to seem Asian and who spoke English with an exaggerated accent.”

On the flipside, an earlier article from a 2006 release of a Charlie Chan collection, author Dave Kehr proffers that the films were not racist, “by the standards of their time.” 

That phrase, “standards of their time” rings to me of majority privilege, as in nobody got mad because it was okay in that time.  But okay to whom?  Or, was it actually offensive then too, but there was no power or place to voice that offense?

Beyond Chan’s character (and his son who talks like a typical American teenager of the time, for some fun generational contrast), more uncomfortable to me, from this clip from “Shadows Over Chinatown” (below) is the exaggerated personification of the African American butler, played by Mantan Moreland. (Indeed after years of success as a comedic actor Moreland was ostracized for demeaning representations as the civil rights movement grew in the 1950’s.)

What do Socrates, Charlie Chan and intercultural communications have in common?  

We are who we are, where we are, when we are.  Feeling guilty about how we reacted to things in the past is useless. Knew knowledge and exposure to multiple perspectives allows us to integrate new insights, reconceptualize our ideas, and apply them to future interactions.

For Socrates, I’m sticking to the “great man” theory.  For Charlie Chan, I think I’ll take a deeper look, particularly at how the representations reflect the society at the time, and changes that have evolved since then.

Anything unsettling popping up from your childhood?  How do you reconcile incongruities between your former and current self?

photo credit, Raphael’s Socrates, via University of Florida Philosophy Department .  Thanks to @prpc on Twitter for link to original article.

 The anthropological approach gives each group ‘hegemony,’ the power to exist in its own right. It recognizes the inherent value that multiple perspectives bring to probelm solving and innovation.

 The idea is to know thyself first, then observe, participate, interact, to know ‘the other.’ It’s like being an ethnographer studying yourself–being keenly aware of how you communicate (as an individual or business), revealing your unconscios bias, being sensitive to how others react to you, and fine tuning your messages accordingly, with the ultimate goal to create multicultural marketing that doesn’t perpetuate stereotypes. 

Do you know your own communication style?  How do you define your own cultural identity?  If you are white, do you identify culturally that way?