Technically this could be construed as my fault, after Lucca went with me to a client’s art opening a few years ago.  The central piece of the exhibit was a beautiful, supersized hand, making the “okay” sign, the ultimate symbol of peace and spirituality in the artist’s native India.

Except that I had to laugh.  “Hmm, wonder what someone from Brazil would think seeing this?”

“Why,” asked Lucca.

“Well, the ‘okay’ sign means something very different in Brazil.” In fact, it’s the cultural cousin of the middle finger in the US.

Now fast forward four years to Friday night pick-up from school…

“I got sent to the vice-principal’s office today,” Lucca announced.

“Why?” I asked?

“I didn’t do anything.”

Of course.  “Just tell me exactly what happened.”

“It started with the book we were reading aloud in study group, that said someone was a ‘born artist’. My friend thought it said ‘porn artist.’ The other said ‘no, I said born artist,’ to which he said, ‘Oh, well that’s ‘okay,’ and made the ‘okay’ sign with his hand.”

Lucca continued, saying that he was only being helpful, by letting his friends know that the “okay” sign meant something different in Portuguese.  That led the boy of Italian heritage to show the Italian cultural equivalent (running one’s fingers from back to front under his or her chin), which caused the child of Russian heritage to pronounce, “Hey, that’s the same thing in Russia!”  Then someone asked the boy of Korean descent if he was familiar with the pinky sign, and he shared that was actually attributed by most to being Chinese, but in reality was Chinese-American.

Possibly after spying my smile as I listened to the story, Lucca, now indignant in defense of his innocence, proclaimed “there’s a religion in Southeast Asia where it’s sacred to read using the middle finger as a pointer…would you deprive someone reading in Southeast Asia because the middle finger is vulgar in the US?”

But herein lies the problem of thinking it’s funny. This is the same child who noted that curse words are a social construct…that words themselves cannot be right or wrong…it’s the intent with which the word is used that makes it “good” or “bad.”

To which I say yes and no.  While age 10 renders “because I’m the mommy” ineffective as the end all reason to stop discussion, I will say this:

We live in a pluralistic society where people agree to abide by certain rules to live harmoniously in society, and one of those rules is that we won’t make vulgar hand gestures to one another at school.”

End of story, right?  Until tonight, when he says “but they’re not vulgar in the US, the society we live in, so how can that be pluralistic if people haven’t agreed in the society where the incident took place?”

Help.  I’m in trouble.  Anyone?  Got anything?

Why “brewing,” and not the implied “spontaneity” of a blog post?  Because the description above uses perfectly refined, planned, and politically neutral language that doesn’t really convey two episodes of what I believe to be unconscious bias on the part of two of the three lone white people in the room of otherwise 30+ African-Americans during the session. 

The first one was me (ouch!), one of three Caucasians and the “subject matter expert” leading the presentation.  Not sure who/how many caught what I would call my “gaffe” but here’s what happened.  I dove into the strategies and activities, without giving an overview of what we mean by Diversity and Inclusion in the Workplace.  As more general questions started right away, I realized immediately my unconscious assumption:  That because the audience was African American, OF COURSE everyone would know about Diversity and Inclusion in the workplace.  But, indeed, that field is just like any other area of expertise, you study it, there are best practices, there are academic studies….

Luckily, I had learned my lesson from the last time I had made fun of someone from another culture (now I’m being playful, even flirtatious, because I’m talking about my Brazilian-born husband in contrast to my Missouri-Jewishness) and had a batch of “Extra Slides” at the back of the file that had the “Business Case for Diversity and Inclusion” in place and ready to go.  There’s buried in here somewhere a 15 year overdue apology for making fun of my husband because when he was working on his MBA he occasionally would ask me to proof his presentations.  “But they’re 100 slides!” I’d protest. “No, it’s just the first 10,” he would say, “the rest are back-up.”  To which I would think, “Whatever.  No one in the United States does it that way.”

At any rate, thanks to following my lovely husband who didn’t know what he was doing, I was able to seamlessly (I’m pretty sure it was seamless to most) pull up the overview slides from another presentation I’ve given in the past,( presumably to white people—my commentary here) and give the overview with authority.

So then we went into my favorite part, Intercultural Communications.  It’s my favorite because I live and breathe it. I’m a marketer by profession, and specialize in communicating to people of different backgrounds.  Understanding the various communications styles, recognizing my own, and how all of these might be influenced by cultural and gender differences, is fascinating.

So here comes unconscious bias number two, from Philip* who was from one of the area’s larger Public Relations firms.  Philip was #2 Caucasian at the event, and his colleague Martha made the third and final (I think it’s important, just because I think my reactions to things were possibly influenced by being in the minority—which makes me hyper-conscious, curious if it’s typical when being in the minority to temper behavior, and of course curious about grave implications for that in the workplace, etc…)

Oh, we were talking about Philip.  So the conversation was about Communications Styles. “Direct,” which puts facts over people to divine truth and understanding, and “Indirect” which looks at feelings and relationships first. 

When I asked the group if Direct or Indirect was more prevalent in the workplace, all said “Indirect.” Which, as a Direct communicator I thought “are you kidding?  US Business norms are all about results and action, normed around a male, Western European communication style.  But, again, this is not about me….

So what I said was that it’s interesting to see how communications styles do seem to trend around culture and gender, so for example studies show that 50% to 80% of Hispanics tend to favor an Indirect communication style, or 50% to 80% of white men tend to favor Direct.

And that’s when Philip, in HR asked his question.   “But if it’s only 50% to 80% then really it’s not a statistic at all.  I tend to evaluate each person individually and build relationships with people one at a time.”

My gut thought was “like being colorblind.”  And the immediate reactive thought to that was (okay, that’s the problem, I knew something was wrong at the time, but it took me a good week to really think it through) the problem with the colorblind approach is that it is often the privilege of the majority culture to be color blind.  Because the structures of society, and certainly the USAmerican workplace, are normed around the majority culture.  So what I could have said was “That’s actually belies your white privilege, Philip, because as part of the majority culture you are not constantly reminded of your race or culture.”

But what I said was that while the trends shouldn’t supplant what’s in front of you, nor should groups be stereotyped by their dominant communication style, that it’s helpful as a framework to better understand one’s own style and to make sure that the reward bands—which people in the organization’s ideas and contributions are valued, are not being influenced by communication styles. 

Or, as Marti Barletta, accomplished expert in marketing to women, told me when I asked her the same question a few years ago, “you have to start somewhere, and because the commonalities to play out over a certain portion of the population, it gives you a starting place from which to operate.”

Luckily, Steve,* an HR Director at a major Chicago corporation (and African-American) then chimed in to say how effective it had been at his company when they did take into consideration the cultural implications of communication, and we moved on.

So, my 10 minutes is up (it morphed into 25…yikes!) and really this could have been summarized in three sentences:

1.  People of color are not inherently magnanimous experts on diversity, inclusion and pure, unbiased opinion.  In fact, thinking such continues to be an unconscious bias by either a.) Looking for approval from the other, or still operating from a framework of “white/majority” and everything else.
2. Claiming to be “colorblind” is a tenet of white/majority privilege, and is really only possible for someone from a majority culture.  And, seeing color or difference is natural, and does not equate to prejudice or racism.
3. If you are the invited speaker at a Professional Learning event, it’s okay to “stay on topic.” In other words, my handling of both situations, without publicly announcing the underlying bias, was okay, because the topic was diversity and inclusion in the workplace, not the underpinnings of racial inequity in society.

On that last one, though, while it may make me a great, consummate professional, it might not catapult me to ideological fame.  I’m reminded of seeing Gloria Steinem speak at an event in Chicago a number of years ago.  She espoused these amazing, controversial opinions, and had no qualms about calling it out like it was.  “She’s fabulous,” I remember thinking.  “I wish I could be in a position to say whatever I thought and have people listen.”

But that goes one further, to the idea that “when your mouth is open, your ears are closed.”  So maybe I’m not too far off.

What are the interactions that make you uncomfortable, that have you still thinking about them three weeks later?  Those are the ones to follow…

* Names changed

Opening Night Feature Film: Life in Rio's favelas is explored through their own voices in 5X Favela. Recipient of multiple awards including Cinema Brazil Grand Prize, Special Selection at the Cannes Film Festival, and the Chicago International Film Festival. Produced by Carlos Diegues.

The Illinois and Sao Paulo Chapters of Partners of the Americas are proud to present MOSTRA II, the second Brazilian Film Series in Chicago. The event will take place November 9 – 16 at Columbia College,  School of the Art Institute of Chicago, Brazil in Chicago, Northeastern Illinois University, Northwestern University, and University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign.

This year’s MOSTRA (“Show” in Portuguese) presents an outstanding line-up of films with social themes, including feature fiction, documentaries, and shorts.  The event is presented by the Illinois and Sao Paulo Chapters of Partners of the Americas, in collaboration with Columbia College Chicago, the Consulate General of Brazil, Brazil in Chicago, Grant Thornton LLP, the Lemann Institute at the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign, Northeastern Illinois University and Northwestern University.  A complete schedule of showings will be available after September 15th on the MOSTRA website: www.brazilianfilmsinchicago.com

Among the many films, the MOSTRA II will present three Brazilian award-winners:

• 5x Favela – Directed by seven different geniuses of the Brazilian cinema, the project ‘5 x Slum, Now by Ourselves’ gathered over 80 young people from Rio’s favelas to create a feature film consisting of five stories that reflect different facets of the daily lives of residents of these communities – with the promise of escaping stereotypical representations. Directors: Wagner Novais, Rodrigo Felha, Cacau Amaral, Luciano Vidigal, Cadu Barcellos, Luciana Bezerra, Manaíra Carneiro. Opening Night Festa, November 9.

• A Orquestra dos Meninos – The Children’s Orchestra – In the poor and dry Northeastern region of Brazil, a group of children form a woodwind orchestra to play Mozart, Bach, Villa Lobos, etc. The orchestra is created by conductor Mozart Vieira, a 25-year old humanist and dreamer. This causes strong reaction from parents and politicians, because he’s taking the children away from the work in the fields.  Director: Paulo Thiago.

• Mutum - Thiago lives in an isolated farm in the arid backlands of Minas Gerais, Brazil.  As he is forced to confront separations and betrayal within the home, Thiago begins to see and understand a place that he had never been able to before, thus slowly letting go of his innocence. Director: Sandra Kogut.

Purchase Tickets Online: www.illinois-saopaulo-partners.org/MOSTRA

Admission: General admission $8 each, or buy a `5 Movie Pass` for $35.

Student Tickets (w/valid ID) $5, or a `5 Movie Pass` for $20 (free at their home institution).

The Illinois-São Paulo Chapter of Partners of the Americas is a volunteer, person-to-person diplomacy organization committed to improving the lives of people across the Americas by sharing best practices in arts and culture, sustainable architecture, agriculture, environment, and more. www.illinois-saopaulo-partners.org; www.partners.net.

# # #

Had it not been for my 10 year old son, I would have actually missed (Gasp!) the fornicating flies on the fence.  I might have only focused on sharing the joy of Mariana’s big belly and impending childbirth.  And, had I not loaned my camera to my 10 year old son, I might not have a photo of the fornicating flies…only posed, smiling faces commemorating this special time together with friends.

And it would have been my loss.  Did you know that flies actually do copulate to reproduce?  (I did have to check.)

Whether the difference is generational, cultural, gender or simply an acknowledgement that each of us is an individual with a unique perspective, the fact is we don’t see the world the same as others, even when we are standing in the same space at the same time.

Years ago I was in charge of the exhibits and events for Chicago’s airports, O’Hare and Midway.  During Chicago Artist’s Month, we set up three artists along the moving walkway, each with a canvas facing the walkway, the artist gazing out the window and painting the scene before him or her.  As travelers rode by on the walkway, they could see first-hand how each artist processed the experience and transformed it into a work of art—which items stood out more (the trees or the tower?), how the artist interpreted the world (literally, or an abstract capturing of energy?) 

For Artist Luis DeLaTorre, he was energized to get immediate feedback and cheering as he worked–a rare experience for people to see into his mind’s processing as he reflected how he saw the world around him.

What’s the dominant characteristice that frames your view of the world?  Your parental or marital status?  Race? Childhood memory?  What can you learn by seeing things through another’s eyes?

When I saw the Cricket transit ad, “Todo el Poder de Android a una Fraccion del Precio,” I knew it said “all the power of Android, at a fraction of the cost.”  But as I looked around me—on a busy corner of downtown Chicago during the after-work rush—I wondered how many others did.  And if they didn’t know what it said, wasn’t that a waste of good advertising dollars?  Placing an ad in Spanish in the middle of downtown Chicago, what I would think of as general market?

First, a note on my underlying assumption here about the number of Spanish speakers in Chicago (I assumed low, hence not a worthwhile expense).  As it turns out, the number of Spanish speakers in Cook County matches the number of English only speakers:  each represents one third of the total population.  That said, just because one can speak Spanish, doesn’t mean one does.  The 2000 Census showed that while one in ten households spoke a language other than English at home in IL, half of those also identified as speaking English—meaning that only 5% of the total population actually didn’t speak English (with Polish and Spanish being the top alternatives).

Second, a note about research:  you get what you ask for.  What started as a curiosity about effective multicultural marketing turned into a question posed on Facebook:  “If you don’t speak Spanish, how do you feel if you see a Spanish only ad in general market (e.g. during prime time TV or on a bus billboard.) If you do speak Spanish, how do you feel?  Asking for feelings, the conversation that ensued reflected positions on the essence of USAmerican values:  immigration and assimilation vs. free market capitalism.

Ken said seeing an ad in Spanish might dissuade him from buying that product. “…It comes down to the strong belief that if a person immigrates to a new country, they should be fully assimilated by striving to learn the language and culture.” He adds that “If we provide information and advertisements in a different language, then what is the incentive to be part of the USA culture?”

Michael countered, however, that “Business has to do what it must to reach its market.”  Jennie agrees.  “Ads in Spanish are capitalism in action…and ain’t that America?” 

On the topic of pure capitalism, Verizon cites the powerful market potential in diversity:  “The estimated purchasing power of African-Americans, Asians, Hispanics, gays and lesbians, and people with disabilities will be more than $ 2.5 trillion by 2010.”

Why refer to Verizon?  Well, that brings us back to the original question as to whether the Cricket Ad in Spanish on a bus in downtown Chicago was actually effective or a good use of dollars to reach the Hispanic market there.  In moderating the conversation on Facebook, I shared, from memory, that the question was inspired by a Verizon cell phone ad. 

I remembered it was a cell phone ad.  The ad was in Spanish.  Therefore it must have been Verizon, right?  That’s because in my mind, Verizon “owns” the Hispanic market in Chicago.  “We speak customers’ languages and participate in the celebration of their lifestyles’ cultures,” says Verizon.  And, indeed, you will see Verizon as a sponsor at the International Latino Film Festival in Chicago, you can make free international phone calls from their booths at Chicago festivals, and meet their leadership on boards of Hispanic and Latino related organizations. 

In a world where one can be friends with their Mayonnaise on Facebook if they want to, Cricket’s fly-by-night ad, while in Spanish, does not go the extra step to actually engage with the target market where they are.  Ultimately, this Spanish language ad in general market ends up speaking to neither:  it misses the connection to the former, while potentially alienating the latter.

Good news?  These tips apply whether you are traveling around the globe, interacting in a diverse work environment, or, my favorite this time of year, trying to better understand and appreciate the unique traits of key family members over the holidays!

1.  Beware of making assumptions about people based on physical characteristics:  race, ethnicity, age, ability, gender, etc. (That can’t be reiterated enough!)

2.  Do good research in advance, but do not take ‘country guides’ as being the final word.  Individual preferences vary and will trump any group customs, but might be helpful to know that the clock you about to give as a gift to your Chinese host might imply death.

3.  Welcome feedback as a gift.  Thanking someone for his or her suggestions is a great way to solicit ‘insider’ knowledge.  Once you say thanks for the insight, he or she may be willing to share more.  When a business deal is at stake that could be just the ticket to your success.

4.  Embrace your own identity and use that as a platform to communicate with others.  (I statements instead of you statements—as in “that’s so interesting, I do it this way, how do you do it?

5.  Asks questions to understand what motivates others.

6.  Be open to learning, and learn to teach without being judgmental or making the learner feel embarrassed.  Remember Emerson (sic) Everyone is my master because I can learn something from everyone.

7.  Be an Anthropologist.  Ethnographers or Participant Observers are keen to watch the interactions of others closely when approaching new communities or situations.  How are items being used?  How do people greet one another?  It’s a chance to really listen with your whole being.  Think “don’t drink the water in the finger bowl.”

8.  Be sure to try new things, particularly foods when in another country.  But, allow a little latitude when ordering food in restaurants, as in, you may understand the word for lasagna, but it may not be served as you expected…enjoy-seeing how similar concepts are enacted in different countries is part of the fun.  (on the flip side, ff you have allergies or things that don’t allow latitude, like a peanut allergy, bring a dictionary to know key words.)

9.  Be patient with yourself and others.  Anger, unease, defensiveness, etc. may come with the territory.  Just remember, that moment of discomfort is usually when you are at the cusp of learning!  Kind of like in weight lifting—the moment the weight is too much and the muscle fails, is the moment the muscle gets stronger.

10.  Be brave but safe, confident but humble…don’t be afraid to simply open the dictionary to the right page and just show it to the person with whom you are speaking;  learn where the street signs are-sometimes they are on the corner, sometimes on the side of the building, sometimes on the sidewalk.  If you go out alone, bring a piece of paper with the phone number and address where you are staying.

There was a story on NPR last month that showed that despite sharing the same genes, siblings can be completely foreign to each other from a personality perspective.  Not only do they share the same culture, they come from the same gosh darn family….and still sometimes can’t get along. 

You’d think applying some of the basic tenets of Engagement and Inclusion, or Intercultural Communications might help, but…

In intercultural communications, we take responsibility for our actions and our role in an interaction.  We say, “oh, that didn’t work, let me try another approach.”

We don’t say, “You wanna play nice?  You go first.”

In intercultural communications, we learn to recognize when someone’s communication style is different than our own, and we learn to separate the content from the delivery style.

We don’t say “You’re communication style sucks.”

In intercultural communications we learn to assume positive intent first, so that if someone e-mails and texts us on the weekend to confirm a weekend gathering, we think “they must really WANT to reach us and must be more comfortable with this technology assisted communication (or perhaps they are studying Japanese and didn’t say anything…30% of Japanese Send E-Mail First To Ask If They Can Call.  One reason given: “Other person may not like telephone”)

When we look at the missed messages on Monday we don’t think “It was Sunday, why didn’t he/she just pick up the @$%&* phone and call the house if he/she really wanted to talk?

And, finally, in intercultural communications, we might say “tell me the cultural tradition of your beautiful clothing.”

We don’t say “Yeah?!  Well…Your mother dresses you funny!”

Ah, but wait, I just insulted myself.  We have the same mother.

And there lies the deeper difficulty, or perhaps the more profound challenge ultimately yielding the greater reward.

While Engagement and Inclusion and Intercultural Communications are critical for a more productive workplace, and while one hopes that learning to navigate cultural differences at work will promote greater sensitivity overall…at the end of the day these valuable workplace skills, can if one chooses, stay at work.

But family, they are permanent and constant.

Grrrrrrrrrrrr.

Okay.  Swallow.  Let me try another approach.  If I can master this, I can do anything!

Happy Holidays.

Photo credit by Regenboog on Flickr

Looks like a sweet, innocent baby, right?  But if you panned out to get the full picture, you would see a different story.

As the camera pulls away, the baby is sitting on top of a case of tequila that is resting in the basket of a shopping cart to be the right height.  The mom is in front of the cart, facing the baby and holding him around his waste so he doesn’t fall.  She’s bent her head forward to be out of the picture, which places her head right at the baby’s belly button, a sure invitation for the baby to play with her  hair.

The photographer is waving and smiling to get his attention.  No go…looking away.  Nope, eyes closed.  He’s good, but mom’s head’s in the way.  Take 24.  Clerk ready to quit.  Mom ready to cry.  Trip to meet grandma first time in Brazil about to be canceled due to lack of passport photo.

And, voila, the perfect angel picture.

Point is sometimes the immediate image doesn’t paint the full picture, and this is no less true in intercultural communications.

Have you ever thought someone rude or unfriendly, only to find out later English wasn’t his or her first language?  Or how about walking into a business meeting in another country, but not knowing the customs or expectations in a particular context?  And, in moving to the arena of difference based on ability, how can hidden disabilities like chronic pain or illness influence interactions?

But isn’t that the job of the interculturalist to be extra observant and grasp the bigger picture?  How has remembering that helped you in your work?  Are there times when you didn’t grasp the full picture, and it hurt you?